10 Cures For The Mean Reds Just In Time For The Joyous Holiday Season

The Mean Reds: “The blues are because you’re getting fat or because it’s been raining too long. You’re just sad, that’s all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you’re afraid and you don’t know what you’re afraid of.”

Even if you’re not well-acquainted with Breakfast at Tiffany’s or the character Holly Golightly who gave a name to this feeling (actually it was Truman Capote, but I digress), you must surely have experienced it at one time or another. You know, that intense fear that comes with absolutely nothing at all. It’s as though it’s sprung from the air, implanted itself in you and you can’t do a damn thing to shake it. It’s a faceless, odorless demon.

Personally, my experience with the mean reds usually comes around about the time the seasons change and the holidays are set in motion. I can only assume this has to do with my necessity to keep things even keel and when external forces, of which I have zero control, take over, I become afraid. Of what? Fuck if I know; but the fear is there and that’s all that matters.

Curing the blues is simple, but curing the mean reds takes more effort, imagination and a bit of Mancini for your soundtrack. The key is distraction when it comes to tackling this debilitating ailment; that, and a mini-blowtorch, of course.

Photo: Paramount Pictures

Learn to make crème brûlée

Why? Because any reason to learn how to properly torch food is awesome.

Call the most dramatic person you know

Totally distracting, right? Just let her spew whatever the hell is going on in her life and just listen. Feeling a bit less afraid now?

Make macaroni art

Do you have any macaroni art on your walls? No? Well, maybe you should work on that. You never know -- your skills may have improved since kindergarten.

Have sex

Sex and orgasms are actually quite healing -- and distracting to boot. So go ahead and get it on.

Have dessert for breakfast

Why? Because you're an adult and you can.

Do everyday type things in gowns

From errands to laundry to drinking beer with friends, everything is far more glamorous in gowns.

Kick it with your furry friends

Animals make people happy! Just touching them can help lower blood pressure and honestly, when was the last time you went to a petting zoo? So go. Now. Thank you.

Organize your belongings autobiographically

Whether it's your music collection or books, organizing these items is fun! Alphabetical is boring, so why not do it autobiographical instead? It will suck up so much time and keep your brain from thinking about that mystery fear.


Not to be cliché, but it is a great distraction.


It's the weak way out, but sleeping is the best way to avoid a problem. And if you have a Holly Golightly mask, then even better.
Share This Post:
    • Candace

      Watch the movie Elf.

    • lucygoosey74

      So much more creative than my usual remedy of xanax and housework!