• Tue, Dec 11 - 11:51 am ET

“I’d Rather Have A Girl Than A Boy”

“And then I acted out my aggression and savage discomfort by noshing him off!”

Jennifer:  That is why, from his 13th year on, all our family dinners will be held blindfolded and in silence.

Ashley:  Silent but for a faint smacking noise that forever haunts your heteronormative existence.

Jennifer:  UGH I KNEW HARROW WOULD DO THIS TO HIM.

Ashley:  I think the point we’re driving at here–besides the fact that shit gets real real at English boarding schools–is that, as a prospective parent, it’s kind of shallow to have a gender preference for your kid. But everyone does, except sanctimonious assholes who use that “I don’t care as long as it’s healthy line.”

Jennifer:  Shit gets SO REAL there. You picked a boy. Why? So his shit can get really real?

Ashley:  I don’t know why, honestly. Anytime I actually try and parse our those preferences, I realize they don’t make sense.

Jennifer:  Oh, sure you know why, you just don’t want to say it. Because society demands we only want something healthy. And really, isn’t that kind of bullshit for all the sick kids out there? It’s like saying “sorry, cancer baby, you were not what was desired.”

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  • alexandra
  • Maggie

    Actually, in the Harry Potter series, they don’t start at Hogwarts until they’re 11, and kids who are muggle-born (that means non-magical, Ashley) like Harry and Hermione went to proper elementary school until they were 11, so they must’ve been at least somewhat educated in English and Math. I assume wizard parents home schooled too?

    I just thought I would be really nerdy and clear that up :)

    • Annie

      I’m still not sure completely stopping a kid’s education, apart from wizardry, at 11(!) is a great idea… Then you’re left with a bunch of volatile, temperamental, and practically illiterate kids with insane amounts of power. That just seems like a combustible situation!
      Harry Potter; saves the world, doesn’t know the difference between there, their, and they’re.

    • http://twitter.com/JenAshleyWright Jennifer Wright

      Right, yes, that is not enough reading and writing education. Look at what you were writing when you were 11.

    • http://twitter.com/JenAshleyWright Jennifer Wright

      People don’t spend enough time talking about what a hero Rita Skeeter was.

    • alexandra

      She must have been quite the autodidact. Studying out of vintage journalism textbooks and obsessively scanning the Daily Mail!

    • Amanda

      But Rita Skeeter had a magical quill that wrote down everything for her. She didn’t actually write anything.

    • HM

      What about Umbridge? I mean, what better way to learn spelling and grammar than repeatedly engraving the words into your own flesh?

  • HM

    See, given that the overall experience at Hogwarts seems to be ‘So! Here is how to really hurt people by pointing a glorified twig at them! Also, 25% of pupils are probably serial killers! Have fun, kids!”.

    But really though, whatever you have, just hope it’s a Slytherin.

    • http://twitter.com/JenAshleyWright Jennifer Wright

      He’s going to have nothing but snakes as pets, and I’m going to tell him to talk to them until they talk back. We’re going to train him early.

  • MR

    Well my mom and gramps (her dad) had a very special relationship. And based on what I saw when he was alive, I’d say there is not much more a dad can ask for than a loving daughter (my mom’s the only child). So my choice is definately girl.

  • Amanda

    I really can’t wait until you get The Gloss youtube channel up and running so we can watch these debates. They are pretty much my favorite thing on this site, along with Shelved Dolls.