Ashley: Yeah, actually, the whole idea of projecting your own wants and desires on a separate sentient being that doesn’t exist… makes me uncomfortable.
Jennifer: But you said you wanted a boy. Why do you feel that way? I have explained why I would want a girl.
Ashley: I told you, I honestly don’t know, other than that I think seeing how boys grow up would be interesting to witness. I already know what it’s like to be a girl.
Jennifer: That seems reasonable. Won’t it be hard with him so far away at boarding school, though?
Ashley: You do have a singular focus on shipping sons off to boarding school. Is it because you want them to come back with English accents?
Jennifer: That’s… a normal reason. Also, a sense of the class system, at least one friend who is a Lord and an ability to drink. If by some weird quirk I end up a young widow/divorcee I could also visit him there and DEFINITELY sleep with attractive British dads/teachers just saying, sorry.
Ashley: Oh man, I want to call you a monster for that, but it’s really just forward thinking. You’re investing in your future, the way Hogwarts never did in those wizard kids.
Jennifer: Yeah, those kids didn’t even come out knowing any Lords. Except for Voldemort. And they didn’t make friends with him, so no country weekends to be had there.
Ashley: I should probably read those books at some point, so I know what people are fucking talking about.
Jennifer: Look, a lot of my sentiments regarding children and leveraging them to my own advantage are terrible. J.K. Rowling almost certainly would not approve. That said, I’d probably be more easygoing with a girl than a boy? So, let’s do a girl.
Ashley: I guess I should read them in case I have a boy someday (girls are illiterate).
Jennifer: (But beautiful) (To be a superb horse-woman, you need to know how to read a little bit. Like, to look for exit signs in the ring).
Ashley: Maybe we should get dogs and project our inadequacies onto them? Like, “Maybe if had spent less time watching TV as a puppy, Spot, you’d have published a novel by now. You piece of shit.”
Jennifer: You have no idea how hard Spot is working on typing without opposable thumbs. He can do 88 words a minute!
Ashley: Spot’s a phony.
Jennifer: Also, he’s a better reader than any girl-child, and I think the way he hosts Wishbone is inspiring. I hate how mean you are to your kids. Thank goodness they have me as a Godmother, and I’ll teach them that it’s OKAY to BE WHO THEY ARE. Spot is working on finding me a Lord to hang out with.
Ashley: Let’s get dogs and emotionally abuse them and then be happy with whatever kids we have.
Jennifer: I can’t stand the idea of cleaning up after a dog and having to go home to walk it all the time. Can I have a goldfish?
Ashley: Can you berate your goldfish for not being ambitious enough?
Jennifer: HE JUST SWIMS IN CIRCLES ALL DAY WASTING HIS PHD
Ashley: He’ll never make anything of himself.
Jennifer: But he has a wonderful ability to love.