10 Reasons You’re Thrilled To Be Single This Holiday Season

Bridget Jones, we love you just as you are!

If fucking Zales commercials — or any other jewelry company this time of year — teach us anything, it’s that you best be coupled up during the holiday season or you might as well not even bother celebrating the damn thing.

In case you were unaware, the holidays are meant for love and love only comes in the form of something between a man and a woman making angels in the snow or sighing dreamily as they gaze at a fireplace. Ugh.

Am I the only one noticing just how much alienation is going on in those commercials? It’s not because my single self is feeling sensitive, but because these companies have tried to market the holiday season to straight couples and the rest of us be damned!

Well, no! The holidays aren’t about that. The holidays are about food and family and friends. They’re about bad Christmas gifts, Adam Sandler singing about Hanukkah and people trying not to get killed at the mall in search of presents to shove under a fine smelling tree.

And if you just so happen to be single this holiday season halle-fucking-lujah, because it’s going to be awesome and no one is going to sulk, and Zales and the rest of them can kiss our collective single asses.

Photo: Miramax Films

No kitchen disasters

Remember how last year you tried to impressive your partner with your baking skills. Remember how all the gingerbread men came out looking sad because they were? This year with no one to try to impress, you can hit up a bakery instead. It's easier anyway.

Bad gifts

Face it: your partner's family was never going to get it right when it came to picking out a gift for you. Fake smiles and thanks are just a memory now. Photo: John Keatly

No awkward family drama to share, then explain later

It's always great when Auntie Sue and Uncle Johnny Cakes decide Christmas dinner is the perfect time of year to bring up something from 10 years ago and one of them throws a turkey leg in anger. This year you get to witness that without the added embarrassment of your partner thinking your family is completely bat-shit.

Solo travel means time to reflect

Although it's fun to have a buddy during all this holiday travel, doing it alone gives you time to think about things. Maybe you don't like fruit cake after all!

Extra gifts for you

You know all that cash you would have dropped on your significant other? Ha! You just dropped it at J.Crew on yourself. And my, do you look fabulous in that new navy coat, my darling!

Holiday work party messes adverted

Holiday work parties with open bars were created as a sick way to see just how much self-control we have. It's difficult to explain your own actions the day after, but when you have to try to justify that normally your boyfriend doesn't get *that* drunk and decides to take a nap under the dessert table, it's no fun. But not this year; this year, you've just yourself to make a mess of things.

You're too awesome anyway

With all your plans, galas, soirees and endless invitations during the holiday season, it's not like he was going to be able to keep up with your social schedule anyway.

New Year's Eve becomes kiss fest

Guess who's kissing whomever she wants at midnight this year? YOU.

No more bed sharing

First there's the argument with your parents about him sleeping in the bed with you under their roof, which if you win, is great. But it was never comfortable having two people in your twin size bed from high school, so this year you can be grateful for that.

True family time

They may drive you crazy, but without having to cater to your partner during the holidays, you can really focus on family.
Share This Post:
    • Samantha_Escobar

      “No awkward family drama to share, then explain later” + “Extra gifts for you” = Best holiday fucking ever.

    • Cee

      Meh, I actually feel bad for not being single this year because I AM part of the awkward family drama. Not on purpose of course, but coming from a strict family, being gay is drama. My girlfriend’s family is pretty mellow so I have to explain to her why people will hate her during the holidays. I will now be buying us extra gifts to make up for this.

      • Amanda Chatel

        Is your family outright rude to you and your girlfriend? Or can they at least play nice in front of you?

      • Cee

        Nah…they play nice, thank dog. Everyone just plans to gawk at her and Ive been warned to not show any kind of loveish language or sign of affection towards her..sigh..but there will be alcohol!

      • Amanda Chatel

        “Gawk at her” – Lovely! Well, Cee, I guess all you two can do is drink and drink. I shall have an extra glass (or three) in honor of you and your girlfriend’s relationship. Love.

    • Sabrina

      So did I fail this by buying my “ex” (who I still talk to every day) an expensive gift? Le sigh.

      • Amanda Chatel

        Sabrina, yes. You shoulda spent that on yourself. Come on, girl! Get with the program!

    • mm

      I am single this year for the first time in 3 years for the holidays, and you forgot the most important one! NYE out with the girls! No more trying to plan new year’s eve with the boyfriend and the friends, who of course always want to do different things. Seriously, I’m excited. Freedom to do whatever the hell you want is awesome.