10 Creepy Things Women Do When They Live Alone

We’re all a little creepy when no one is looking.

It’s a fact. If you live alone, you’re prone to strange behavior. Even if you’re as sane as sane can be (how boring!), you’ve probably engaged in something that you would never do in the presence of others. The truth is you’re creepy when no one is watching; admit it.

While some will call this “secret single behavior” à la Sex and the City, you don’t have to be single to have strange habits that you might not want to share with others. After living alone for long enough, you’ll find that eventually you just get into a certain way of functioning that may, or may not, be on the up and up by society’s standards. But hey, you live alone for a reason, right?

So what do some women do just simply because they can thanks to living alone? Here are a few examples. Make sure to add yours in the comment section. We can’t start a club until we get more members.

Photo: Flickr


1:

"I dance in front of my mirror in my underwear. I prefer to do this to 90's hiphop like Bell Biv DeVoe. I hate Bell Biv DeVoe."

10:

"Pinterest. For. Hours. It's ruining my life. I'm mostly focused on perfect chins right now."

2:

"I'm not telling you my creepster stuff, but I can confirm that my neighbor plucks her pubes in the window because I've seen her. The sun is the best lighting for plucking."

3:

"I take stupid photos or videos of myself and text them to my friend Mattie -- obsessively -- as in a dozen a night sometimes. I know he loves it." (Yes, this is me and Cookie Monster.)

4:

"Cook an entire pan of brownies, eat just the edges, then toss the rest in the toilet. I clog it every time. "

5:

"Besides half naked vacuuming? Um, my dad gave me a telescope. I haven't really had any success using it, but that could be pretty creepy."

6:

"I fall asleep masturbating all the time. Eventually the vibrations wake me up and I try again."

7:

"Paint and repaint my nails over and over. I do it just because I'm drunk or bored."

8:

"Cup my tit while I'm watching TV."

9:

"Reorganize my sock drawer. I'm not even kidding! I'm love all my colorful socks and tights!"

 

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    • Anne

      Okay Amanda, we’re not all as wacky as you and… o shit, I do about half of those and I don’t even live alone.

    • Ms. Pants

      Psst. #4. You need this: http://bakersedge.com/

      • Samantha_Escobar

        THANK YOU FOR RUINING MY HEALTH/IMPROVING MY LIFE.

        Also, I always had suspicions I wasn’t the only person who cups their tits constantly when home alone (and sometimes, accidentally & mindlessly in front of other people). Thank goodness.

      • Ms. Pants

        Hey, you can make healthy lasagna in it too. Or something.

        (I started putting my hand down my shirt and cupping tit in response to my father constantly watching tv with his hand down his pants. He’s a lot more conscious of it now. Truthbomb though: i smoosh my boobs just as much, if not more than most men play with their junk.)

      • TXGuy

        I’m a guy, but if I was a girl there is almost nothing better I could imagine doing with my private time than cupping my own boob! :)

      • Amanda Chatel

        I’m so ordering this for her… MERCI.

      • Ms. Pants

        My friend bought me one several years ago and I can vouch for the awesomeness. (Even better with my “special” brownie mix.) But tell her to watch the bake time. My all-edge pan shaves a good 10 minutes off bake time so the first batch I did was basically chocolate-esque charcoal.

      • Amanda Chatel

        Such a fucking pothead…

    • http://helloalle.com/ Alle

      The first time I lived alone, I talked myself into believing there was a gas leak in my apartment FOR LITERALLY NO REASON. I couldn’t smell gas. There was no gas leak “sound.” Nothing except my brain being weird. And then to test it, I hid behind the door of the fridge and tried to reach around it to turn on the stove. Because, y’know, the door would have shielded me from the explosion.

      When I say “I was 21 and stupid,” this is the kind of thing I’m talking about. Not dating unsuitable dudes or partying too much…imagining gas leaks.

      • JennyWren

        I am utterly convinced every night that someone is going to break into my apartment. I have lived here for 5 months now and if anything I’m getting worse. To that end, I now take my handbag and laptop to my bedroom at night, because that way a casual thief will go empty handed (they are the only things in my apartment that have any marketable value at all). A serious, break-in-and-rape-you number will probably get them, but I rationalize that if I’ve just been raped, the loss of my laptop will be among my least concerns.

      • Ms. Pants

        I go through nights like this. It was a lot more often when I first started living alone. I still have a rather large knife (thank you, Ren Fest) on my nightstand, just in case.

        I also asked Santa for a glock for Christmas. (Note: I’m in Texas. This is not an odd request here.)

      • http://helloalle.com/ Alle

        Once upon a time, an ex-date (not even a boyfriend!) tried to break into my apartment. I’ve been low-level worried about “people coming in to my place” ever since, but it’s much less now that I have a dog. Oliver may be little–14lb minpin-terrier mix–but there is literally NOTHING he doesn’t hear, and boy does he let me know about it. Once a drunk neighbour mistook my door for his at 3am and was trying to get in, and HOLY CRAP.

      • FreeThinkerTX

        Hmmmm… I have a 75lb Chocolate Lab and a Ruger P89 to help me with those kinds of fears.

        I once worked for a property restoration company. The techs were called out to a house to clean up the blood from where the homeowner’s [big] dog had taken several bites out of a would-be burglar who had gained entry to the house…but had trouble finding a dog-free exit! >:-)

      • Amanda Chatel

        I’ve lived on the 5th floor — with a fire escape — for 6 years. When my Hubbell was here (he’s currently on vacay in NH) I always kept the window open in the spring — no bars! — and although he’s still on vacay (privileged shit), I still sleep with my window open. I guess I like to believe that if someone wanted to break in, a passerby would notice. But I’m also foolish.

        However, when I leave my apt, I always hide my computer. But when Hubbell comes back, his whole 25 pounds of lard will probably take down anyone. Jack Russells aren’t supposed to be so cubby, right?

        I also sleep with the TV on… I like to believe that helps.

    • lucygoosey74

      Hmm, maybe I’m creepier than the average person because none of those behaviors seemed very creepy to me. That being said, the horrible picture of the lady with dead button eyes scares the fuck out of me! I do not want to scroll up!

    • Lo

      #4 is disgusting, shameful behaviour. How dare you waste an entire brownie middle when you could stuff it into a padded envelope and mail it to me? I wouldn’t mind if it had fallen apart because you can just press the crumbs together and get a good-sized reformed slice… and that’s my at-home behaviour right there.

    • JennyWren

      I like to rearrange my furniture. Like, a lot. I fact I am a bit frustrated right now because my current apartment does not allow for that many different set-ups. Also, I don’t dance in my underwear, but I will try out different bra/pantie combinations with an eye to future seductions (I have never seduced anyone. I am too lazy to seduce). Then I try on all my “skinny clothes” to convince myself haven’t gained five pounds because I ate a whole pizza last night.

      • Ms. Pants

        I’m pretty sure we could be best friends. I like to move my furniture around too. Often, just to prove that I CAN move furniture by myself. (I’m 5’1 on a good day, and as mentioned above, am in Texas, where being called “little lady” is a common occurrence.)

        And if trying on clothes is scary (because of the whole pizza), I do wishful-make-up like I’m at a slumber party.

      • JennyWren

        YES! I also like to try out different make-up “looks,” but then get frustrated because my skin gets red and angry if I wash it too much :-(

    • Amanda

      When I’m watching a movie or tv when I’m alone, I have commentary, really odd crazy reactions to the stuff that happens, and sometimes I’ll have entire conversations with myself all about what I just watched.

    • Ms. Pants

      I’ve lived alone for 10+ years. I narrate everything in song, sometimes with choreography, often after forgetting the shades are up and windows are open.

      • mm

        Me toooo! And it’s SO embarrassing to hear someone talking in the parking lot only to realize that if I can hear them, they can certainly hear me. It happens when I’m talking to my cat like he’s a person, too.

    • Maggie

      I have full-on conversations with my pets when I’m home alone, which includes group chats when more than one of them are involved in the topic of discussion (i.e. when the cats team up against the dog. Mean cats). I used to be embarrassed about it, but then I caught my fiance doing it too when he thought I wasn’t listening, so I’m not alone in my insanity.

      • paperraincoat

        I don’t live alone but my roommate and I aren’t exactly joined at the hip either so my brain does whatever it feels like. My intermittently long-distance boyfriend and I were video chatting, sort of; my laptop doesn’t have a camera. Until that day I was unaware it had a microphone. After we were on for literally HOURS I sneezed and he said ‘BLESS YOU’ and immediately my brain went ‘OH GOD WHAT HAS HE HEARD’. I asked. He responded ‘..You talk to the cats a lot.’ I’m pretty sure most of what he heard was ‘Oh Smudge! You’re so Smudgely!’ and ‘Oh Callie, you’re such a puffy cat yes you are and look at that FACE’, and the small percentage remaining was me yelling at articles on the internet.

        ..He talks to the cats a lot too when he’s home.

        Also I do the boob grab thing all the damn time. So does my best friend. We’ve had whole extended conversations about self-groping and how it just.. Happens.

    • gigi

      that picture is ruining my life

    • aLLmALE

      That stuff isn’t creepy, just stupid. Creepy would be looking through the telescope at your 90 year-old neighbor… and THEN masturbating until you fell asleep!

    • MR

      I’d say my girlfriend has lived alone about 15 years now. She has a dog, and he’s old and has programmed routines – one of which is she takes him out around 8pm every night, and after she brings him back he crashes. So our dates usually don’t start til 9:30 I walk him with her in the mornings though. I bring breakfast sausage and he likes that. Yes, she talks to him like he’s a person. :) And just for the record, only a woman’s love can solve a man’s loneliness. Any guy who doesn’t understand that is an idiot.

    • mememe

      I live with my kids, but it’s like living alone cause you do stuff in front of your kids you wouldn’t do in front of your boyfriend or husband. But I do none of the stuff on the the list….. I have however made cake batter, ate about 10 big spoonsfuls and tossed the rest down the drain…. lol

    • amber F

      On the brownies– throw away the middle? are you kidding?? my shameful single behavior used to be making a pan of brownies and binging on them through the course of the day because they’ll screw up my calories if I save them for the rest of the week! Can’t have just one, better eat them all! I don’t throw away goodness, lol!!

      I’m such a pig. mmm.. Im so making brownies TOnite! But at least I can share them with hubby and kids now :)

    • Kat

      I’ve done all these and more. I also will spy on my neighbors if it seems something exciting is going on. I have full on conversations with inanimate objects too.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Johnny-Medina/1745340335 Johnny Medina

      Colorful “story” — we need more funny and random stuff like this in our lives (removal from Assad, Sudan, middle east turmoil etc.)

    • http://www.facebook.com/kellie.northcutt Kellie Northcutt

      How can you throw away the middle of a brownie?! You need to buy that special pan that jus gives you edges. Jeez!!

    • TheGrandPoobah

      If you’re falling asleep masturbating then you’re doing it wrong

    • dukenukem3d

      I am 100% against wasting any food. Shame on all you women out there baking an entire pan of brownies and just eating 1/8 of it.

    • http://twitter.com/CathyCC2 Cathy CC.

      Only thing I do diff is pick my nose. All the rest I do if my hubby is home or not.

    • tee

      I talk to myself and have arguments, confrontations, encounters with people who aren’t there. Some who I know, most I don’t. Obvi!

    • http://www.facebook.com/agzobel Aaron Zobel

      haha I knew their was something wrong with woman who live alone and still dont have any serious relationship. http://www.hotinsurancedeals.com