• Thu, Dec 13 2012

Horrible Gifts That Make People Hate Themselves

Horrible gifts that make people hate themselves

The holidays are weird, stressful, great and magical all at once. They’re especially weird and stressful when you’re tasked with buying stuff for people you barely know or, worse, don’t even like. Here are some truly horrible gifts you should avoid–unless you want people to hate themselves. Why are you such a monster?


Gym Membership

This one goes without saying. Unless it's explicitly asked for, a gym membership as gift is a tried and true dick move. $90 monthly Crunch

Fundies

An inappropriate gift for someone single (or, especially recently divorced). $13.95, Amazon

Old Yeller Dvd

This will actually just make people hate themselves. $9.99, Best Buy

Baking for Beginners

For anyone who's ever offered you a Christmas cookie, avoid rudimentary baking handbooks. $14.98 Amazon

Febreze

You might think this is a thoughtful gift for the office cat lady, but it falls flat. $3.49, Drugstore

Justin Bieber Girlfriend Perfume

This is like giving someone Febreze but it also implies they have shitty taste. $55, Sephora

Ken Burns' Civil War Dvd Set

This is fucked up. $52.88, Barnes and Noble

Jay Leno Bobblehead

Nothing says, "You've got an edgy sense of humor that I appreciate" worse than Jay Leno paraphernalia. On the bright side, you could give it to that person in your life who keeps making painfully stale hipster jokes. $19.95, NBC Store

Skrillex album

Give this to anyone over age 25 and they will feel achingly, acutely aware of how they don't understand young people (and thus are old/irrelevant). $6.99, Amazon

Life-size Yoda replica

Psyche! This is an awesome gift. Price upon request, Artifex Creations

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  • Samantha_Escobar

    I received a gym trial membership once “just incase” I decided to “shape up.” I really wish that person had read this beforehand, FFS.

    • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

      Dude. No way.

  • Candace

    Cash. Cash is a horrible gift because I think “Oh they think Im boring” or “Oh they think Im poor and need cash.”

    On the other hand I am poor and would like some cash.

    So I take it back.

  • http://twitter.com/sklosko susanna

    what’s wrong with ken burns’ civil war? i have a sister who spent her entire maternity leave bonding over that with her new baby.

  • MR

    Hum, what a humbug. Hey, I thought you and Jennifer said you like Civil War guys? Buford, that’s what you get with me. :)

  • Kate

    Terrible article

  • Penny

    Hey, I wouldn’t mind the Civil War DVD!