• Fri, Dec 14 2012

Women Don’t Want To Be Married. We Just Want To Be Rich.

lucille bluth

Lucille Bluth knows what’s up.

A few friends were talking the other day about how they know women who have settled down and gotten married, primarily because they had reached a certain age and they felt like it was time. And, of course, because they wanted kids. And they did not want to raise kids alone.

I’m not disputing the notion  that those are valid reasons – and they motivate plenty of men, as well as women! – but they do strike me as a reasons that could be solved not with a wedding band, but with the accumulation of massive dragon-hoard’s like stash of cash. And then you would not have to sit on the couch every day with someone you were not absolutely thrilled to see in your house.

I suppose I’ve thought about this ever since reading Lori Gottlieb’s Marry Him, a book which basically encourages women to settle with pleasant seeming guys because a marriage and raising a family is like running a small non-for-profit business. In her Atlantic article she wrote:

Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Don’t nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling “Bravo!” in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go. Based on my observations, in fact, settling will probably make you happier in the long run, since many of those who marry with great expectations become more disillusioned with each passing year. (It’s hard to maintain that level of zing when the conversation morphs into discussions about who’s changing the diapers or balancing the checkbook.)…

 

Once you’re married, it’s not about whom you want to go on vacation with; it’s about whom you want to run a household with. Marriage isn’t a passion-fest; it’s more like a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane, and often boring nonprofit business. And I mean this in a good way.

Incidentally, Lori Gottlieb’s book haunts every single woman I know. The notion, of course, is that if you don’t settle, you might not be able to have a family, and you need someone to share child raising with. You are an industry.

Well, yes, that’s probably true, to some extent, but that person really doesn’t need to be a husband.

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  • Lastango

    Evan Katz wrote a good post about the hallucination that it’s possible to have your cake and eat it. The clincher is:

    “…you’ve just arrived at the primary problem that my clients have when it comes to forging successful long-term relationships; they don’t want anything to change.”

    http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/are-smart-strong-successful-women-too-busy-for-love/

    He’s talking about older women finding a life partner, but the gist is the same — happiness is not a free lunch or a wish-list. Even if you have a pile of money.

    • http://twitter.com/JenAshleyWright Jennifer Wright

      You could bake two cakes. And then you could have a cake and eat the other one.

  • Sabrina

    Dude, sign me up!

  • MR

    There are a lot of rich men who want to have a child with a woman, but don’t want to marry her. This seems odd to me.

  • Nikola

    I don’t want to get married I just want a bunch of tiny people who I can easily compartmentalize, and keep in pockets. They will keep me company, be my helpers, and do basic chores. Wait, I think those are called brownies. Yep, I just want some brownies…oooh chocolate. I would marry chocolate if I could. Oh wait, now I’m getting married again.

    I’ll see myself out.

  • Bosworth

    Or you could just marry someone you like. And then have a family. Or not have a family. Maybe a dog would be a good compromise; you still have to take care of something else’s bodily functions without the college fees.

    • http://www.facebook.com/helen.donovan.31 Helen Donovan

      Exactly! Too many women I know don’t seem to like their husbands. I’ve often thought that some of these women just married the guys for financial support and sperm donation. Apparently they are willing to put up with a jerk for these two things. The ones I really feel bad for are the “good” guys who didn’t realize that it was a “business” and they were just credit cards with dicks.

      Why the “of course, they wanted kids?” The steps should be 1. love a guy who loves you (getting there with gay marriage but at this point the issue here seems to be mostly hetero) 2. The two of you decide you want sprogs. All these women seem to be doing this in reverse.

  • Tam

    Jennifer, I’m in love with you. Marry me!

    Oh, wait…

  • frankop

    the women of today are certainly not that educated now to begin with. and since women now are looking for men with money, they are and always will be such losers.