I was horrified at the time (I was the new girl! Shouldn’t that have given me a boost?) but I later learned that forty-five minutes was actually pretty good for a new girl. The guys at Heavenly Creatures mostly weren’t very into buying dances and the few who were there for more than absurdly cheap drinks usually had particular strippers they preferred. My looks were also working against me, since most of the customers who were actually spending money were bros who couldn’t see the appeal of a pale, skinny,
tattooed girl like me. I appeal mainly to hipsters and old men and this crowd didn’t have much of either.
My sales pitch was also working against me.
“Hey fella,” I’d say, “I’m so new I’m still breaking in my shoes. What do you say to breaking me in?”
It was incredibly obvious that I wasn’t going to get anywhere on my looks and I hadn’t yet figured out how to talk my way into a dance, so I felt I might as well try humor. Unfortunately none of the patrons seemed to think I was even somewhat funny and I can’t say I blame them.
Finally, I managed to talk an Armenian gentleman into buying a dance, a difficult task that only worked because I was new and he flat-out refused to believe that I was not Armenian myself.
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