Once, I was on Gossip Girl. By once, I mean twice. Twice. I was on Gossip Girl twice. This is something that I do not really mention very often, but it was at that time, the highlight of my life. I also believe that, highlight though it was, you may or may not be allowed to talk about appearing on Gossip Girl (you sign a bunch of forms), so, let us say that this is a fictitious and delightful story that I am spinning out of lies like a spider of deceit.
I rarely talk about this, because it is the kind of story you are supposed to make very, very funny (as Sloane Crosley did) . Like many stories in my life from that particular 2008 period, it is mostly a story about being young and confused, with a sort of wall-papery backdrop of cocktail waitressing.
You have to understand that Gossip Girl came out when I was only acquainted with New York in the vaguest possible way. My experience of New York basically consisted of getting lost trying to get to my apartment around Gramercy Park. Over and over. Literally every time I tried to walk home. I don’t know why this happened, because Gramercy Park isn’t actually that complicated, and the streets around it are laid out on a grid, just like everything else in New York.
But, that was me. I tried to get writing jobs and cocktail waitressed and was afraid to walk more than about 4 blocks in either direction because I was always getting lost.
And I loved Gossip Girl. I wanted to live in Gossip Girl. I wanted to live in a place where everyone wore purple trimmed suits (no one does this, no one has ever done this, this is not a thing) and made puns based off of their own names. I did not want to live in a New York where people had to work and figure things out. I just wanted to live in a world where, seriously, the proper way to insult someone was based on some sort of manhandling of their surname (“he’s Chuck Bass-tard” – a phrase I am at least 78% sure appeared on some episode of Gossip Girl). Life in New York was very limited, and I had not really moved there to sit in my apartment and worry. I had moved there to be some sort of modern day version of Myrna Loy. I had moved there, in short, to be Blair Waldorf.
And then, through a series of odd circumstances I ended up being on Gossip Girl. Twice. It was in its second season at the time, and I don’t think I could have been happier about anything.
The first time I was supposed to be a model in Eleanor atelier. Playing that role taught me that models have incredibly convivial relationships with the people dressing them and do not actually do anything else. It also taught me that I was not able to wear one of those dresses that Blair and Serena wore in that scene where Blair is a fashion model. Those are hard to wear, you guys. They had me change back into my own clothes. I wore a brown leather jacket that I had bought at BCBG, because I was pretty sure that was what models wore. Just very light, very insubstantial BCBG jackets. I am not entirely sure this was wrong, really.
It took about four hours, and I went home, and, if you watch the episode, there is a moment where I walk by.
OH WHAT A MOMENT.