Gollum Is Every Single Woman’s Nightmare

gollum nightmare single love

Lord of the Rings, and now, The Hobbit, always gives me a headache when I’m watching them. And not just because The Hobbit is shot in 48 frames per second, although I hear that has given absolutely everyone a headache. It’s because I think I was trained that J.R.R.Tolkein was writing an allegory for The World Wars.

Now, whenever I watch the movies, I’m always trying to match up the different characters with the nationality they’re supposed to represent. The Shire is America, right? And the elves are English? And I don’t know about the Orcs. That just seems kind of mean.

And Gollum? Gollum just represents the deepest, loneliest, most frightened part of every unattached man or woman, right? Gollum is what happens to us when we have no one to love.

I really think Gollum is the fearful thing that unites us as people.

I guess the other fearful thing according to the Lord Of The Rings series is supposed to be the Atomic Bomb, maybe, but that’s beside the point.

Think about it. Gollum loses the person and thing he loved the most, and afterwards, he is forced to live forever alone, in darkness. He’s driven mad for want of a ring that he can never have, ever. He has only himself for company, and he does not particularly like himself. This is the most heartbreaking idea in the world. Everyone who is not a sociopath is afraid of that.

It’s possible that some people who are sociopaths are afraid of that, just because you need other people to do sociopath stuff with.

Gollum’s existence is everyone’s nightmare at the worst moment of your break-up. It’s that moment when you are convinced that you’re just going to have to sit around in darkness, longing for things that you cannot have. Always longing.

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    • anna

      this depressed me so much
      i just found out my ex fiancee is getting married and has a baby on the way
      going to go bang my head and cry

      • Naomi


      • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

        <3 <3 <3

      • http://helloalle.com/ Alle

        GIRL. This is the worst experience one can have. I am sorry you are going through it. All I can tell you is that I have been there, it sucks, but eventually you will come out on the other side. I don’t know you but I love you, and I’m totally rooting for you.

    • Naomi

      To be fair, Tolkien hated allegory and never intended his work to be a parallel of WWI or WWII, and said as much. Just sayin’. I’ll be over here, being a hopeless dork.

      • http://twitter.com/JenAshleyWright Jennifer Wright

        Maybe that is why nothing ever matches up properly. Americans aren’t hobbits. Although we do eat a great deal.

      • KJM

        idk, I kind of find it a bit hard to believe when people say this, especially given the whole “you cannot pass!” bit with gandalf. at the battle of verdun in WWI, the commanding french officer knew he was gonna be overwhelmed and famously exclaimed “On Ne Passe Pas” (they shall not pass). also, tolkien was a WWI vet.

        so he can claim that he hated allegory, but cooooome oooooon. it’s so heavy-handed.

    • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

      That picture of Gollum with a fish. Oh my goodness.

    • Alysa

      I don’t think I can agree with the point you made about Gollum being able to reject the Ring. That’s the point of the Ring: it takes care of its self, and nobody can really control it– Frodo, Bilbo, and Isildur all fall to it too. That’s what’s so scary about it, it’s everything bad in the world that humans just can’t control. It makes us need and want power, i makes us willing to give up our loved ones and ourselves for this immense force we can’t control. To me, this power is scarier than my mind could ever be. (Sorry if that was a little long. I’m doing my senior thesis on Gollum as a tragic hero.)

    • MR

      Yeah, loneliness sucks. The secret to a long term relationship is not sleeping around.