Why You’re Being Fired

The termination of a dental assistant in Iowa has been upheld in a ruling by the state’s Supreme Court. After more than ten years’ employment at James Knight’s dental practice, Melissa Nelson has been let go “because her boss and his wife felt [she] was a threat to their marriage.”

This sets an interesting precedent! What other reasons can you get fired for in Iowa now, do you think?

  • Can’t stop drawing comparisons between patients’ bicuspids and the protagonists of Bret Easton Ellis novels
  • Looks really weird when eating soup. No, but really weird, though. Weirder than most people
  • Made entirely of bottle caps (but sexy bottle caps)
  • Every Monday morning you read aloud the Dear Prudence advice column (with voices). You repeat this performance every morning until the next week’s column publishes
  • Secretly a bird (but a sexy bird)
  • Your boss finds you resistable but definitely doable if there’s no one else around and it’s a slow afternoon
  • You are incapable of finding beauty and meaning in the most unlikely of places
  • The only foods you eat in the office are lollipops and corndogs; it takes you an hour to finish eating
  • Your boss finds you “luscious”
  • Your boss finds you “ugly-hot”
  • The boss on the floor above you finds you “smackable”
  • Your scrubs are edible or you subscribe to a crafting e-newsletter
  • You leave Tootsie Rolls in the office candy jar, even though everyone has made it very clear they prefer Jolly Ranchers
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    • http://SommelierinSneakers.blogspot.com/ SomminSneakers

      I think this whole situation is gross- and wrong, but if she wasn’t going for ‘i was sexually harassed and then fired for it,’ then she really didn’t have any business going forward with a court case. She can’t be upset she was fired, and then not express any upset over their relationship and it’s inappropriateness in relation to her being fired. Silly.