Classic. Impractical, freezing-your-legs-off, totally silly classic...but a classic, nonetheless. Make several jokes about "fur trim." Take turns sitting on one another's laps.
Photo: Party City
Classic. Impractical, freezing-your-legs-off, totally silly classic...but a classic, nonetheless. Make several jokes about "fur trim." Take turns sitting on one another's laps.
Photo: Party City
Sexy Santa Army: they take no prisoners. Or they do, and then forcefeed them cookies while crooning "Santa Baby." (THE HORROR.) In the event that you want to dress up like a sexy Claus but don't feel like banging anybody, hand a couple o' costumes to your friends, warm up some hot cocoa (which you will then pour Bailey's into) and discuss the fine art of sleigh bell seduction. Again, do not watch Love, Actually.
Photo: Party City
For the Sexy Santa who wants everybody to know about his, ehrm, candy cane.
Photo: Flickr
You know, elves have rarely been portrayed as sexy in film, literature and television, and yet there are always sexy elf costumes in stores. Then again, same goes for Santa. And most sexy costumes, actually. If you decide to go with an elf costume, also purchase several helium tanks so you can only dirty talk in an incredibly high-pitched voice.
Photo: CostumeCraze
If your partner has muscles anywhere along these lines, insist on purchasing a sleigh that you will then be towed along in for the rest of the week. Regularly forget whether he is Dasher or Prancer.
Photo: Flickr
...because you're just too fucking special to be a regular reindeer, eh? Stroke your ego (and whatnot), paint your boobs and find some way to make your nose glow whenever you have an orgasm.
Photo: Stupid24
Wear an orange strap-on. Continuously tell the person you're getting down with to touch your "carrot." It will be extra passionate if you somehow begin believing you may or may not be melting.
Photo: Party City
If your partner finishes first and acts like a jerk about it, get Frosty, dammit.
Photo: Flickr
Got a No-Shave November straggler? This is your sexiest option, my friends. And incase you were wondering, the pose is completely necessary.
Photo: Isamaras
In the event that you are dating Nick Cannon, insist that the pair of you have a threesome with somebody dressed as Santa Claus. Preferably Jon Hamm. Continuously make obnoxious "eat me" jokes to Hamm. Cannon will be unamused, but he is spoiled as it is.
Photo: ThreeSixtyEcotique
This is supposedly a "Christmas Tree" costume but I'm pretty sure having Green Man somehow manage to expressionlessly look like he wants to eat you is not sexy. Do not do this. It will ruin 2013.
