• Fri, Dec 28 2012

You’re Single, Because You’re A Liar (Now You Know)

You guys, lying will get you nowhere.

You guys, lying will get you nowhere.

So you rolled out of bed this morning, as per usual, and made your way to the shower. You turned on the water, hoping it will heat up faster than the day before and as you stood in the mirror pondering the choices you’ve made in life, you came to a realization: You’re a liar. You’re a filthy, fucking no good liar just like Blane in Pretty in Pink. And it’s this whole lying thing that’s the reason behind why you’re being single. Yes, this is what you realized; then you stepped into the shower and hoped to scrub your lying layers away, but halfway through your routine, you ran out of body-wash. You emerged from the shower still a liar.

As I scoured the Interets this morning in search of answers to all of life’s lingering questions, I came across GalTime in which the author of the post attempted to point out that your place in Single Town is due to the lies you tell both yourself and others. Her favorite lie women try to sell: ”Dating takes too much effort.”

Um, call me cuckoo for Coco Puffs, but that is a very true statement. Dating takes a whole shit ton of effort and risk and a bunch of other stuff that some people would just rather avoid until they’re emotionally invested to go for broke and put in the effort. Rome wasn’t built in a day, but the damn thing eventually made its mark. Translation? Dating is like Rome and admitting to the necessary effort involved isn’t lying.

Although Trespicio’s title suggests that there are other lies us single ladies tell ourselves, she doesn’t get into them. No worries; I’m going to list out the top “lies” we tell each other, our family and the mirror, so we all know we’re on the same page.

“I’m too into my career right now.”

“I’m not ready for a commitment.”

“I’m just getting over someone.”

“I need to find myself first.”

“I’m just really picky.”

If you have, at any time in your life, said any of the above lines when trying to justify why you’re single, you were probably, most likely, definitely lying. You see, you may have thought you were being honest, but you were not. We know this now thanks to GalTime; GalTime has explained the inner workings of our brains and hearts, and there isn’t a single ounce of truth in there to be found. Understanding this has made this THE BEST DAY EVER.

(Liar.)

OK, ladies, tell me the “lies” you tell that keep you single.

 

Photo: Hypocrites

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  • http://helloalle.com/ Alle

    “Between a family member with mental illness, an 80-hour a week job and a dog, I just don’t have time for a boyfriend!”

    OH GOD IT’S ALL LIES! I sit at home every night, slowly brushing my hair and weeping single-lady tears while staring at my friend’s wedding albums on facebook. “Someday,” I whisper to a magazine cutout of a Tiffany’s engagement ring. “Someday…it’ll be me.”

    • Amanda Chatel

      I love you. This is brilliant.

    • http://helloalle.com/ Alle

      I love you too. We are just too amazing, perfect, fabulous, etc.

    • Amanda Chatel

      Agreed… 100x over.

  • Colleen

    I used to say it was because I spent 90% of my time hanging out in the gay bar with drag queens and never developed the knowledge of how to have a relationship that lasts longer than 18 hours. Which I suppose is still true, but I’m a hell of a cook so my husband puts up with my bullshit.

    • Amanda Chatel

      Obviously, you’re a liar, too. We all *know* you’ve never even been in a gay bar.

    • http://helloalle.com/ Alle

      AND you don’t know how to cook. YOUR NAME ISN’T EVEN COLLEEN, IS IT?!

  • katie richardson

    I’m single because I prefer to be single. *I actually do prefer this, Galtime. But that’s because I’m fucking crazy, apparently.*

  • Tania

    I am single because my social anxiety gives me panic attacks whenever I think about sleeping with someone because of abandonment issues from the first person I ever slept with not wanting to see me again afterwards in spite of talking constantly beforehand about how he wanted to see me a lot. It’s hard not to panic when you’re worried it’s because you were so terrible, and not because he’s an asshole. (He is an asshole.)