Why We Shouldn’t Make A Big Deal About Kanye West And Kim Kardashian’s Pregnancy

kim and kanyeAs the world learned in the wee hours of the morning yesterday, Kanye West and his equally narcissistic and delusional girlfriend, Kim Kardashian, are expecting their first baby together. [Insert collective groan here.]

As everyone’s favorite EIC Jennifer pointed out in her post about this madness, West and Kardashian are, and I’m going to quote her here: “God help us, our version of royalty.” Unfortunately, this is true. What this says about our country isn’t something worth getting into, because it will just involve a lot of knocking of Wonderbread, American cheese and will probably end up being a rant about the fiscal cliff. We don’t want that on the first day of 2013; we want happy thoughts full of promise today, dammit!

However, what we should point out is just how absurd it is to even give a fuck about these two in the first place, let alone the fact that they’re going to bring a mini-version of themselves into the world. (Who shall be named “Kretin,” if I have any say in the matter.)

Any hatred toward either one of them aside, here are just a handful of a million reasons why you, me and everyone we know shouldn’t give a damn about this pregnancy. Besides, we all know Kim was just trying to one-up Kate Middleton with this move. Breaking news, Kim: YOU ACTUALLY AREN’T ROYALTY.


Photo: Will Alexander/WENN.com

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    • Tolan

      You are a writer, albeit an internet writer: leave the trash out. There is no reason to use inappropriate language in your “articles”

      • http://blisstree.com/ Carrie Murphy

        I think personal expression (not to mention HUMOR) is a pretty good reason for writers to use whatever language they want in their “articles.”

      • Amanda Chatel

        I think Carrie and I are on the save wave length. Andt to think I cut my use of “fuck” in half! I wonder if Tolan would be even further disappointed in me to know that I’m not just an “internet writer.’ (At least you go the humor, Carrie!)

      • Amanda Chatel

        Dude, my hungover ass just noticed those misspellings. Tragic.

    • anya

      kim kardashian isn’t even remotely close to being American royalty. There’s a difference between sleazy, tacky reality tv stars who promote products they’ve never used for money and royalty. The Kennedy’s are American royalty. Also, it seems against the point to talk about how no one should care about the Kardashians in an article written about them. It’s completely hypocritical

    • LS

      I have a number of thoughts here:

      a. Thank you!! I shiver at the thought of these two creating the world’s most egotistical and uninteresting progeny (whose head will likely be too ego inflated in-utero to be delivered naturally)

      b. This one’s for Tolan. The internet is a wide wide world… if you don’t like this blog (which is fantastic and full of fabulous women with a great handle on SATIRE!) then, please, do go fuck straight off and find a new place to spread your knowledge of everything literary. Thanks.

      c. Keep up the awesome Gloss ladies! You rock.

      • Amanda Chatel

        LS, I might be in love with you.

    • Lisa

      Bonus points to Chatel this early in the year for the reference to My Best Friend’s Wedding. Which, incidentally, I hate, but the jello/creme brulee part (as well as the sing-a-long) are the redeeming points of that movie.

      • Amanda Chatel

        Hell yeah! Internet high-five, Lisa!