• Sun, Jan 6 2013

Everyone Will Kill You

psychopath

AOL Jobs has listed the careers with the highest and lowest recorded rates of psychopathy as a reminder to trust no one. But if you look at things another way, it’s really just a list of the jobs with the best- and worst-hidden psychopaths, which is even more frightening. I turned to movies for evidence and I think I’ve made a fairly strong case.

Highest Rates of Psychopathy:

1. CEO (Hank Scorpio, The Simpsons)
2. Lawyer (Take your pick)
3. Media (Wyatt Frame, Josie and the Pussycats)
4. Salesperson (Walter Neff, Double Indemnity)
5. Surgeon (Dr. Frankeinstein, Dr. Rotwang)
6. Journalist (Chuck Tatum, Ace in the Hole)
7. Police Officer (Take your pick again)
8. Clergy person (Harry Powell, The Night of the Hunter)
9. Chef (Mrs. Lovett, Sweeney Todd)
10. Civil Servant (Walter Peck, Ghostbusters)

Lowest Rates of Psychopathy:

1. Care Aide (Ann Wilkes, Misery)
2. Nurse (Nurse Ratched, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest)
3. Therapist (Scarecrow, Batman)
4. Craftsperson (Okay, here you have me)
5. Beautician/Stylist (Sweeney Todd, Sweeney Todd)
6. Charity Worker (Social Services, Moonrise Kingdom)
7. Teacher (Ms. Trunchbull, Matilda)
8. Creative Artist (Erika Kohut, The Piano Teacher)
9. Doctor (Dr. Evil, Dr. No)
10. Accountant (Justin Hammer, Iron Man 2)

Everyone is evil, no one is safe. Maybe the unemployed and also craftspeople, but frankly I’m suspicious that they’re simply the best psychopaths of all. Good luck.

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