• Tue, Jan 8 2013

Ryan Lochte Getting His Own Reality Show, Is Apparently Jesus

Ryan Lochte

Ryan Lochte has been busy.

After his experiences in the Olympics, he’s done just about everything a typical male celebrity does: he partied in Vegas, got tight with a model, created an undeserved fashion line, touched a dragon and lived, was hella gross…basically, he’s done it all. And now, just as we suspected, he will be getting his own reality show. Because of course he is.

In April, a 6 episode reality-TV series starring Lochte will launch on E! Entertainment. And because the man has obviously not been glorified enough, the program will be titled, “What Would Ryan Lochte Do?” I genuinely wished that this would be some sort of biblical game show or at least a police procedural in which Lochte solves, well, everything. But alas, no: it’s just a regular ol’ booze + looking for love + going to the gym show. Come to think of it, this sounds like “Jersey Shore”; just add water, I suppose.

While the show will primarily be about Lochte’s “partying and training” (in that order) during preparation for the 2016 Rio Olympics, he will also be looking for “the right gal” because, again, of course he will. Oh, and I can’t help but hope the show will also feature his stupid racist sister. Why? Because every reality needs an obnoxious villain, naturally, and Lochte’s got one built into his family. Voila! Insta-drama — which, let’s be honest, is like 98% of the reason people watch reality-TV.

This isn’t Lochte’s first foray into the magical world of stupid TV: he’s been on “90210″ (although he also was on “30 Rock,” to be fair, so I guess that makes up for it). According to E! president Suzanne Kolb, he’s perfect for reality shows:

“He is an incredibly endearing personality who is sexy, entertaining and fun. Watching this show, I believe people will fall into three categories: they want to be him, sleep with him or mother him.”

Well, if somebody wants to be with him, I can only assume that means they want to sleep with him, too. But I suppose that as long as the choices aren’t “Kill, Screw or Marry” and he never pees in the pool on camera, he’s in good enough shape to make this work.

Photo: Judy Eddy/WENN.com

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