Wed Bed Dead: Episode 1, The Men Of Star Wars

As we’ve mentioned, The Gloss is launching a web series called Wed Bed Dead, in which editors Jennifer Wright and Ashley Cardiff must decide the (potentially extremely sexy) fate of three chosen bachelors. The show is a live action spin-off of their longrunning and popular games of Fuck Marry Kill.

This week, they’re revisiting an old favorite with the men of Star Wars: Han Solo, Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader. Ahead, they discuss the advantages of ruling over the Death Star and whether or not Luke has anything to offer as a mate…

That’s all for today, folks. Please make sure to argue your side in the comments.

And don’t forget to subscribe to The Gloss’ YouTube channel!

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    • Erica

      “Nimbly Pimbly” was my favorite part.

    • Lauren

      When I read “Episode 1: Star Wars” I immediately thought that it should be Episode 4, because Episode 1 would involve Obi Wan, Qui-Gon Jinn, and Darth Maul. Then I realized you meant it’s episode 1 of Wed. Bed. Dead not Star Wars and my nerd was showing.

      • Ashley Cardiff

        When writing the title, I actually hesitated for a moment and thought, “Are people going to think we’re debating lesser Star Wars canon?”

      • Ashley Cardiff

        Also. Fuck Darth Maul.

      • Lauren

        I’m with you on that.

      • Lauren

        It only took about 5 seconds of pondering to figure out what it actually meant. Writing it out makes it seem like I thought about it for an hour or so.

    • Lyle

      MARRY Han. MARRY him. What is wrong with you two?

    • Candace

      What??? no no no you marry Han Solo, so you can fuck him for life. And have a bad one night stand with Luke.

      Also “the Ron Paul of space” is pretty much the funniest thing Ive geard in weeks.

    • Sean

      Sure the kids can attend private school, but is it worth it if it means you’re married to a giant angry half-robot burnt husk of a person?

      Psst, by the way, Luke DOES inherit the family business, and becomes the grand master of the new Jedi Order (which is also technically a private school if you think about it). :-)

    • MissR

      You are both wrong. Just wrong. You marry Han, you fuck Vader (with the mask on), and you kill Luke.

      • Cate

        I kind of agree with this, but also I think Jennifer has a point in that Darth Vader can offer a lot more to any potential children.
        I mean, what does Han have, really? An excessively hairy friend and a spaceship. Does he even have a house?

      • MR

        That’s before the War’s over. :) Chewy always had Han’s back and would have given his life to protect anything that was important to Han. Vader surrounded himself with mercenaries or soldier biotech clones.

      • Alle

        I always read “biotech” as “biyotch,” which makes basically any sentence 100% funnier.

    • Alle

      Kill Luke (death by Ewok), fuck Han (obviously I agree with the walking dick sentiment), marry Luke (and have telekinetic children).

      • Ashley Cardiff

        Telekinetic children almost makes marrying Luke worth it.

      • Alle

        ALMOST. Obviously I’m going to have an affair with Han. Two birds with one lightsaber.

      • Ashley Cardiff


    • Nymph1816

      Everything I was expecting and hoping. You two are flawless and I can’t wait until next week.

      • Ashley Cardiff

        Thank you!

    • alexandra

      THIS IS SO GOOD. I wish I were at home, but I can’t imagine this being SFW. Damn it.

      • alexandra

        So I guess I don’t actually know it is so good. But, no, fuck that, I do know it.

    • Brianna

      Walking dick, yes! You kill Luke because he is so annoying. Marry Han, how could you not?

    • Brandy Alexander

      I love me some Wookie.

    • Jessica

      Am I the only one astonished that we finally saw Ashley’s face?

      • Ashley Cardiff

        It’s weird for me too!