Eight Pre-Existing Things We Should Update By Naming Them After Good-Looking Young Celebrities

The Target and Neiman Marcus Holiday collection Launch event

Today’s New York Times has an article about “The Karlie,” a “trend” that was born, as many things are, after 20-year-old model Karlie Kloss jokingly referred to her new haircut as such and a bunch of people took her seriously. Yours truly was even said to find the haircut “inspiring” because I once wrote “now that I see it on Karlie, I have the sudden feeling that it would make me look like a goddess.” The full paragraph, if you recall, was a bit different in tone than what that single sentence might lead you to believe:

“The Karlie” appears to be just a regular shoulder-length bob with bangs. Not much layering, the same length all around. I’ve seen this haircut pass by me on the street hundreds of times without taking a second glance. But now that I see it on Karlie, I have the sudden feeling that it would make me look like agoddess. The hair places that specialize in bobs should probably jump on this momentous re-branding opportunity.

Now, maybe I’m just jealous that no one has started calling brown, unwashed hair with bangs that are always too long because you’re too busy/lazy/broke to properly maintain them “The Jamie,” but I think this is just a little bit silly. I mean, “The Karlie” is just a bob with bangs, right? Which people have been rocking since about six billion years before Karlie Kloss was born? I mean, what would happen if we started naming other pre-existing things after hott young celebrities, until every object in the world was Justin Bieber this or Selena Gomez that?

This would.

(Via everyone I’m friends with on Facebook)

Photo: WENN

Stumpy Midget Thumbs=

"Megan Fox Syndrome"



"Justin Timberlake chew"


Lip Augmentation=

"Getting the Lana Del Rey injection"

Photo: GQ

Shit Talking Your Ex=

"Taylor Swiftboating"

Photo: WENN

Being Female=

"Pulling A Lena Dunham"

Photo: WENN

Being Black=

"Pharrell-ing It"

Photo: WENN


"Bieber Bites"

Photo: Getty

Men's Underwear=

"Pattinson Slacks" Photo
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    • Candace

      This is the funniest thing Ive ever read on the Gloss. We need more satire.

    • Peppercorn

      Oh man. I totally have Megan Fox syndrome. I never knew my stump-thumbs could ever carry such an alluring connotation.

    • Fabel

      The slideshow isn’t working for me :( It’s only on your posts though, Jamie!

      • alexandra

        It doesn’t work in Firefox for me but it does in Explorer. IDK.

        Taylor Swiftboating = genius.

    • Candace

      Omg still laughing about “Pharelling it” and “Bieber bites”