It may be pricey to own two phones, but how else are you supposed to send texts to yourself from your boyfriend? You know, the texts you plan on gushing over and showing everyone in sight as you scream out, "See? He loves me! He misses me! We're SO getting married!"
We need to start at the beginning. So the first step would be giving your fake boyfriend a real-sounding name. When I say real-sounding, I mean don't come up with something lovely and over the top. I'd love to date someone named Paulo, but if I show up to brunch one day swooning over a Brazilian named Paulo, it might be a bit suspect.
Instead, go for some average guy's name like Mike or Billy or Sean. You get the point.
How did you meet? When? What his sister's name? How many cats does he have? What's his favorite food?
And while you may want to have these "facts" line up perfectly well with yours, remember that opposites attract so try to take you out of the picture. After all, this guy has his own personality!
You can either grab some photos of that good looking friend of your cousin, or go the stock photo route: "Oh look! Here's my boyfriend and his friend being silly!"
(Just make sure you either learn how to photoshop out that watermark or just commit totally to it and sign up for an account.)
It may be pricey to own two phones, but how else are you supposed to send texts to yourself from your boyfriend? You know, the texts you plan on gushing over and showing everyone in sight as you scream out, "See? He loves me! He misses me! We're SO getting married!"
It's actually be estimated that more than 50 million Facebook profile are fake, so what's one more? As long as you're not using it to harass anyone and just specifically to prove the existence of your boyfriend with silly back and forth banter and tagging him in "private joke" type photos, then you're fine.
It's amazing how in sync you two are!
Don't worry if you're his only follower, once that fake profile is up and running others, although likely to be spam accounts, will follow him, too. The more followers will make him look even more legit.
If you have a perfect boyfriend, AND no one has met him, you're probably going to make people suspicious. To keep everyone believing your lie, create a dramatic situation: "Oh, no! My boyfriend cheated on me! Bad, boyfriend, bad!"
Then invite a friend over to console you, cry a lot and throw something, too.
To your parents: "Of course my friends have met him! And they love him."
To your friends: "Of course my parents have met him! And they love him."
Just don't get your parents and friends in the same room. Ever. As in, for the rest of your life.
As much as you'd love to keep up this charade forever, at some point, unless you're willing to hire an actor to marry you, you'll have to break up with your imaginary boyfriend.
It will be sad, it will be devastating, but all good things must come to an end. Besides, you had a good run, didn't you? So, now it's time to say good-bye.
Breaking up is far better than killing them off in a random accident, because as we can see in this Manti Te'o case, that just leads to too many questions and the truth will eventually surface. No one likes a liar, you liar.
Photo: Universal Pictures
