• Fri, Jan 18 2013

If You Live With A Child, It Will Probably Drink Your Liquor, Then Get Crazy

Little kids know how to party.

If there was ever a reason for why children are bad, the thought that they could drink all your wine is totally the most logical thought to have. Every kid I know just can’t wait to get home from a hard day in the sandbox, settle on the couch with a glass of the good stuff, then watch some NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams. Wow. I’m just like a 4-year-old. I’m so grateful for that confirmation. Finally.

New York University student, Shasten Snellgroves (I love that name), who’s a junior in the communication program at the school was pissed about her living situation in which she’d been placed. Against her will, Snellgroves was living with a woman who’s the mother of a 4-year-old kid, and due to the rules regarding house guests in the NYU apartments, the child was allowed to “stay up to three consecutive nights and no more than six nights per month, but can check in every day as ‘short-term’ visitors.”

In the letter that Snellgroves sent to the university, she stressed some major concerns about having the kid in her apartment. Aside from it possibly interrupting her while she tries to get her freak on with male suitors, she also posed these likely scenarios: “What [if] the child slips in the hallway or bathtub and sustains a serious injury? Who is going to stop the child from opening the refrigerator and drinking my bottle of wine?”

Drinking my bottle wine.

If you ask me, that is definitely something that would weigh heavily on my mind every time I left the apartment. Will my wine be there when I get back? Is that kid going to get wasted and I’ll have to clean up the vomit because it’s my wine? Should I start locking my liquor stash in a safe in the ceiling locked in my bedroom? This is serious shit, people!

Although the situation has recently been remedied, the fact remains that overnight guests, of any age, are still allowed to spend the night in the NYU residences. Which, for some, could be a real issue if a roomie decides their free-wheelin’, wine-lovin’ grandma should spend a few days remembering how cool it is to be a college student.

It should also be noted that, according to Snellgroves, in her letter she stated that a residence hall employee was kind enough to compare her living situation to that of a roommate being “uncomfortable with another having a homosexual partner stay the night.” Because, as we all know, homosexuals, just like children, are known to drink all the wine in sight, probably steal things, too, then spread their “gayness” around like it’s something of which they should be proud. The nerve of “those” people! What do they think this is? A fucking free-for-all?

I think the lesson we’ve learned here is that kids and gays ruin everything, and you should keep your wine under lock and key. Someone really needs to make a PSA about this before shit gets out of control in the NYU dorms and apartments.

 

Via NYDailyNews

Photo: QuickMemes 

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