I am pretty terrible at romance, but I have a few first date tips to offer you all. Why? Because I am an idiot, and have said a whole slew of idiotic things at some point. As a matter of fact, just the other day, I was on an initial outing with somebody. We were hanging out, having some wine and getting to know one another (as one does on a first date) when he started clearing his throat. Being the overly mom-figure that I tend to be, I asked what was wrong, to which he said he thought he might be coming down with something. Instead of being normal and saying, “I hope not” or “feel better” like a normal person, I wound up remarking:
“Oh god, it sounds like you have the flu that’s been going around all over the country. They’re saying this is the worst flu season in years. A ton of people have died from it.”
This was not appropriate to say. You should never tell someone on the first date that they’re dying, or might die, or have something people have died from. Just don’t do it. It makes things weird. Seriously. So as somebody who is genuinely stupid when it comes to dating, here are a few first date tips of what not to say for anybody decidedly opposed to deterring prospective partners. Some of these are quotes I’ve said, some have been said to me, but all of them should be avoided.
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