9 Things That Will Instantly Ruin Your Sex Life

sex life
There are plenty of ways to spice up your sex life. Porn is abundant and lacy underwear seems to have become the norm. You can even find an assortment of massage oils, blindfolds, and little blue pills in the back of your neighborhood drug store. But some of the easiest ways to turn up the heat in the bedroom is simply to avoid things at all cost. You know, things like animals, children, and other human beings!
So are you ready to kill your sex life? Just partake in these 9 activities and you’ll become a sad, frustrated, and passive aggressive misanthrope! It’s just that easy. Let the ruining commence…

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    • http://sarahhollowell.com/ Sarah Hollowell

      There is so much wrong with this that I don’t even know where to start.

    • Rae

      Stop publishing this person’s writing!

    • Cori

      Me thinks there are a few commenters who are missing the sarcasm.

      • http://sarahhollowell.com/ Sarah Hollowell

        I want it to be sarcasm, but I’m not convinced it is. And if it is, it’s very poorly executed sarcasm. Either way, it’s bad.

    • Cait

      UGH, not cool. Also, I thought the woman in the photo was me when I was (much) heavier than I am now for a minute. And then I was sad. And now I’m irritated at this whole article.

      This piece doesn’t fit the usual tone of the site, somehow.

    • the truth hurts

      Oh come on everyone…stop being so easily offended. Everything here is true, whether you want to admit it or not. Especially the one about gaining weight. It’s not something you want to hear, but most guys would break up with you if you started out a size 10 and ballooned to a size 24. ADMIT IT TO YOURSELVES! Sure, that boyfriend would come up with some other reason like, “It’s not you it’s me,” but you can’t honestly believe that there are no repercussions of gaining that amount of weight when it comes to men and their idealistic views on women’s physicality.

    • Nat

      I used to close the door when going to the bathroom but then my husband would follow me and continue the conversation on the the side of the locked door. As I’m hard of hearing its easier to leave the door a jar as it seems I’m not going to break this habit (and I really tried!)