• Sun, Jan 27 2013

Roommate Offenses, From Least To Most Heinous

roommates
Trying to sleep while you are awake and want to speak or move about in common areas.

Beginning a sentence with “You know what we should start doing…” while you are within earshot but not in the same room.

Parking where you wanted to park.

Not being home when you really need to talk to someone about something important you’re dealing with.

Drinking your alcohol. You don’t mind that they drank it, so much as that they didn’t just tell you, even though you haven’t had anyone over this week, so it couldn’t have been you.

Watching TV shows you don’t like.

Speaking or moving about in common areas while you are trying to sleep.

Breathing when you don’t want them to. It’s not the breathing, obviously, it’s the way they’re doing it. You know the way.

Always coming in and trying to talk to you about their problems when you are clearly busy.

Constantly thwarting you in your quest for authenticity.

Watching TV shows you do like, but watching the episodes out of the order you’re watching them in.

Literally never cleaning anything ever even though you always do; seriously, always.

Having those weird friends.

Making a huge deal out of it when you drink even the smallest bit of their alcohol, like there aren’t entire stores dedicated to selling it and aren’t you guys supposed to be roommates?

[Image via Wikimedia Commons]

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