I don't know why, but you're allowed to like one item on the menu at Burger King. Only one, though, and only at weird times, like when you are driving cross country. Personally, I like the hash browns. You can like something else, but choose wisely.
No. No, you cannot eat here without judgement, ever. For lots of reasons. Because the movie Super Size Me basically said McDonald's is responsible for obesity in America, because McJobs are supposed to be terrible at allowing people to advance, because they work with companies that are known for enslaving people, because their chicken nuggets are made of terrifying meat paste. The only time you are really allowed to eat here is if you're in a foreign country, and then it must become a story. You must return home saying "I missed America so much I ate in a McDonald's in Frankfurt" (which is cool, because McDonalds sell beer in Germany). After telling this story, you have to immediately register as a Republican. And you have to deal with the fact that you ate meat paste made by slavers, apparently.
Taco Bell actually does work to promote human rights. Unfortunately, in an age when everyone focuses on organic products, and is considering a juice fast right now (everyone is always toying with the idea of a juice fast, always) their strategy is consistently to do things like make all their taco shells taste like Doritos. Or Cool Ranch dressing. You are allowed to eat churros someone else ordered, skeptically, while wondering why their target market is only "people stoned out of their minds".
I don't know why, but you're allowed to like one item on the menu at Burger King. Only one, though, and only at weird times, like when you are driving cross country. Personally, I like the hash browns. You can like something else, but choose wisely.
You know who hated KFC? Colonel Sanders. Really. He went rogue in the 1970's and claimed:
"My God, that gravy is horrible. They get tap water, mix it with flour and starch and end up with pure wallpaper paste. Another thing. That new crispy recipe is nothing in the world but a damn fried doughball stuck on some chicken."
He later tried to sue them for associating his image with an inferior product, and opened "Claudia Sanders, the Colonel's Lady Dinner House."
It is amazing to me that I am not making this up.
Anyhow, their biscuits, french fries and mashed potatoes are still fine if you want really starchy food, you can pretend that you're getting vaguely inferior Boston Market items.
You are allowed to enthusiastically and un-ironically eat any dessert items, but you may never touch one of their hot dogs.
Somehow, miraculously, Subway has managed to sell themselves as a health food restaurant that will make you lose weight. In the land of burger eaters, the footlong sandwich with possibly a pretty good number of vegetables crammed in is king.
Adding that brown rice option really made all the difference.
They employ some unemployed musician to play music on a guitar. That is a thing Potbelly does. All their booths are made out wood. Everything about this place is designed to trick you into thinking you are in some kind of old timey saloon where Ava Gardner playing a prostitute might just wander over as you are eating a salad. They are successful in making you believe this. Also, the wreck is absurdly delicious.
