Let’s think long and hard about what a gay dog would look like. If we adhere to stereotypes, he probably wears a pink scarf and prances about the dog park barking so everyone pays attention to him, all while refusing to roll around in the dirt for fear of getting his coat messed up. At least, I think that’s what a gay dog would do. I always assumed Hubbell was gay because as a baby he’d piss on the floor every time one of my gay male friends came over; when it came to straight guys, he just growled.
Although homosexuality is present in the dog community, as well as within all species, it’s hard to truly tell if a dog is gay. Unless, of course, he’s wearing the aforementioned scarf that he chose himself. This is totally possible because dogs can open drawers and pick out what they’ll be wearing on a certain day. Obviously.
I had always assumed that even the most moronic of people knew that when dogs, male dogs especially, of the same gender hump each other, it’s to show dominance and not because they’re gay. Again for the gay dog-hating people out there: it’s a sign of dominance, not homosexuality… or maybe they’re just playing around and trying to wrestle their buddy to the ground for FUN, not for sex.
However, a Tennessee dog owner doesn’t really get how dogs work. So, after noticing that his male pitbull/American bulldog mix was “humping” another male dog, the owner jumped to action and did the only thing that seemed right — he dropped the dog off at a “high-kill” shelter to be euthanized. The dog had zero behavioral issues or homicidal tendencies, he just might be gay. Can you imagine if this fuckwad had a gay kid?
The dog was given up on January 29th, and immediately a Facebook campaign was underway to save the dog from death. Thankfully, he and all his maybe gayness was adopted this morning, just in the nick of time; he had a 1pm time slot to be euthanized.
Here’s the cutie, er, obvious sexual deviant, in question:
Whoever this now former dog owner is, I hope he never gets a dog again. I also hope he understands that had this dog been killed it would have been a hate crime. Additionally, this man should be sterilized to protect any possibility of having a gay child that he will probably try to suffocate in its sleep after it tackles a neighborhood kid during a game of football. Tackling = gay.
How this fuckwad sleeps at night is shocking, but apparently he does. He probably would have slept soundly tonight had his dog been put out of his gay misery and spared the world his gayness. As we all know, the gay is pretty damn contagious and it can happen to anyone. It has nothing to do with biology or genetics, or anything like that.
And so the dog is alive, is going to a great home and there’s a fuckwad in Tennessee who willing put the life of his dog, his supposed best friend, on the line for possibly being homosexual. Yeah, that makes sense; and no, this world isn’t totally fucked up or anything. It’s all very sane and running smoothly, especially in Tennessee.