Men Who Are Total P*ssies Get Less Sex, Study Finds

Arnold Schwarzenegger makes seventy cents on the dollar AND he has to wash the dishes?

Arnold Schwarzenegger makes seventy cents on the dollar AND he has to wash all the dishes?

A recent* study found that married men who perform what are traditionally considered chores for men–mowing the lawn, fixing roofs, building stuff–get more sex than their feeble, girlish counterparts who perform household tasks more traditionally associated with ladies (washing dishes, doing laundry, sobbing openly when Little Foot’s mom dies). The study’s lead author summed it up as such, ”Households with a more traditional gender division of labor report higher sexual frequency than households with less traditional gender divisions of labor.”

From this extremely helpful and relevant study, we have deduced the obvious: men who are pussies get less sex. Also, chores for men involve machines. Gender roles are helpful because they streamline everything.

Before we go any further, it’s worth noting that at least one article covering this study begins, “No good deed goes unpunished.”

To the science!

In the new study, sociologists from the University of Washington in the United States found that on average couples jointly spent 34 hours a week on traditionally female jobs and 17 hours a week on tasks generally considered to belong to the man’s domain.

Typically husbands did about one-fifth of the household’s “female” chores and just over half of “male” household work. On average the couples said they had sex about five times in the month before they were questioned for the study.

But what about all those girly men who don’t see lifting a mop or vacuum as some great indignity? Their progressivism is actually a curse! A curse on their penises:

Those in marriages where the wife did all the traditionally female tasks reported having had sex about 1.6 times more per month than those where the husband did all the “feminine” jobs.

Who are these people?

The analysis was based on a national survey of 4,500 American married couples carried out between 1992 and 1994, the most recent large-scale study that measured how often husbands and wives had sex.

Wait. This data is from the early ’90s? How is this relevant? The researchers cut us off at the pass and insisted that it was unlikely things had changed much since then… because they insisted it. For their part, they also said that men shouldn’t take this as incentive to stop doing female chores because it could “increase conflict.”

Julie Brines, another of the report’s authors, said: “The results show that gender still organises quite a bit of everyday life in marriage.

“In particular, it seems that the gender identities husbands and wives express through the chores they do also help structure sexual behaviour.”

She added: “Marriage today isn’t what it was 30 or 40 years ago, but there are some things that remain important.

“Sex and housework are still key aspects of sharing a life, and both are related to marital satisfaction and how spouses express their gender identity.”

Did anyone pause to wonder that perhaps in situations where men do more housework… the women may also have a job and thus can’t be an eager dick hole all the time?

A Norwegian study from last year yielded similar findings, by the way, this time equating chore equality with higher divorce rates. Both studies–plus lots of information everywhere–should come as a helpful reminder not to develop skills, interests or a personality and instead succumb to our obvious genetic disadvantages and embrace our femininity.  And get shinier hair.

However! Before all you lady readers go out and quit your jobs and drop out of school, please keep in mind that the researchers have no way of assessing the quality of the sex anyone here is having. The most they can say is that adhering to traditional gender roles leads to sex roughly one and a half more times a month. If anything, that extra 1.6 couplings could really be “two minutes of sport fucking then he falls asleep because he’s exhausted from patching all those roofs.” Is this a victory for traditional values?

We’re not sure.

*Not really, apparently.

(Toronto Star via ABCThe Telegraph)

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    • NeuroNerd

      Studies like this really annoy me. They take a correlation, imply causation, and add a socially constructed story that goes along with cultural expectations. “Girly men who do chores are rebuffed in sex attempts.” That’s what most people immediately think, but the study didn’t say that at all. There’s simply a correlation between men doing more housework and men having less sex. There could be a plethora of causes. If I had to guess, a third factor, like testosterone levels in the men, might explain this association (e.g. men with lower testosterone have lower sex drives (proven); men with lower testosterone are less likely to exhibit machismo behaviors and attitudes and actually help with housework (speculative)).

      I apologize for the double parenthesis.

      • Ashley Cardiff

        It *is* what people immediately think! Hence, “No good deed goes unpunished.”

        This is mindboggling, by the way.

      • NeuroNerd

        The blogger Libby Anne who writes at Love, Joy, Feminism wrote a great rebuttal to the study itself. I discovered it after leaving my comment yesterday. It’s worth taking a look.

      • AnotherSimpleMan

        I’m glad, because if a similar study came out with the “right” conclusion, then she’d be writing an article praising it, and we’ve had too many of those lately.

      • vnally

        I’m confused – what would the “right” conclusion be? Since nothing CAN be concluded through correlation, i have to suspect that there isn’t one and you’re just looking to gripe about something.

      • AnotherSimpleMan

        The “right” conclusion is a feminist positive conclusion that demonstrates the superiority of women while decrying the intrinsic failings of men.

      • vnally

        Women don’t have to be superior for men to be failing. Lots of us totally fuck up too, we just don’t have the same level of support from society that you do.

      • AnotherSimpleMan

        I know what you mean. That’s why women who beat their husbands or molest schoolchildren get treated so much more harshly than men do.

      • vnally

        You realize that this is also a problem of patriarchy, right? The reason women abusers and molesters are less likely to get caught is because women are inherently thought to be more passive and men are inherently thought to be more violent, and society encourages that gender structure. when boy children are violent to girl children, we’re told it’s “because he likes them.” when girl children are violent to boy children, the boy is ridiculed because women are thought to be weak. NOBODY profits from this kind of thinking, men included. it has literally nothing to do with superiority. the DIFFERENT is that male is still considered the default and patriarchy tends to favor them in a lot of ways — for example, what men typically fear most from women is that they’ll be made fun of or dismissed, and what women typically fear from men is that they’ll be raped and murdered. you can’t tell me that society favors women in that respect.

      • Tom

        Women murdering men are on the rise. So, in the next decade or so, men will fear those things as women does. The only different would be our court system will favor women…because something drastic had to occur to make women kill. Of course men are just evil and raping and murder isn’t above them.

      • vnally

        “The only different would be our court system will favor women…because something drastic had to occur to make women kill. Of course men are just evil and raping and murder isn’t above them.”

        Again, THIS IS A PROBLEM OF PATRIARCHY. Of course men aren’t more or less evil than women are, but overall they’re usually more socialized to associate masculinity with a certain amount of violence, which is why this is even an issue. If we dismantle the patriarchy in its entirety, which is what the overwhelming majority of feminists are trying to do, then the court system WON’T favor women because we won’t all be looking at women as inherently different beings. Feminism is NOT about superiority, but that also doesn’t mean that women have statistically had it much harder than men for most of America’s history.

        I’d also like to know where you’re getting this “in the next decade” number, too. According to the Bureau of Justice in 2008, women are twice as likely to BE killed than they are to kill (3.4 per 100,000 to 1.7 per 100,000), and men are about 1.3 times more likely to kill than be killed (15.1 per 100,000 to 11.6 per 100,000). It’s going to take much longer than 10 years to even those statistics out.

      • Porkchop

        I love nested parentheses (Joseph Heller, is that you (because sexual absurdity is catnip for you!)?).

    • Spookie Fitzgerald

      Well, resentfully doling out sex has historically been considered women’s work…

      • Ashley Cardiff

        Good point.

    • Jeeves

      FINALLY! An inarguable scientific victory for the misandrists!

    • Jeeves

      The coverage of this study was predictably disturbing/disappointing/obnoxious. Women are totally punishing the girly men who deign to wash their dishes!

      • Jeeves

        I was incapable of understanding the reply button until now, apparently.

    • Trista

      Am I being unfair for kind of resenting the study’s authors? They really ignored a lot of opportunities to defend women here, like adding quickly, “There are probably other factors!” “The division of chores probably isn’t the *cause* of less sex,” etc.

      It’s like… thanks for nothing, assholes.

    • Tracy Archibald

      They also don’t note the religious or cultural convictions of the couples. If the are the kind of people that believe men are horny beasts and it’s the wife’s job to ensure he gets lots of sex as well as do all the “women’s work” then there’s going to be a skewing that has nothing to do with the amount of house work the man does.

    • AnotherSimpleMan

      I am so glad I am not married to an American “woman”.

      • vnally

        We’re all very glad we’re not married to you either, with that kind of attitude.

      • AnotherSimpleMan

        Sing on my Hairy American Empowered Sister!

      • vnally

        What does my hair have to do with anything?

      • AnotherSimpleMan

        Nothing at all – it is an empowering badge that shows you reject cis-female gender normativity.

      • vnally

        having hair has nothing to do with being cis. trans women deal with the same societal standards of beauty that cis women do — probably even moreso if they want to present as female without question. i suspect you threw that in there because you have a problem with the term.

        i’m done arguing with you, by the way. it’s clear that you already have your prejudice against feminism in place, and while even i don’t think it’s a perfect movement, your issue with it seems to stem from a lack of understanding of privilege more than anything else.

      • AnotherSimpleMan

        I have deep knowledge of alopecic privilege.

      • Nerdy Lucy

        It doesn’t. Troll’s just trolling.

      • Guest

        *The troll’s just trolling.

    • MR

      You guys have mentioned this 3 to 5 times a month, sex threshold in marriage more than once. Truthfully what male would marry, if he knew he was going to have the same amount of sex he was having in one week in a relationship, in one month cause he decided to get married. My logic is if I’m good in bed my girlfriend/wife is going to want to have sex with me. Also I have a really nice toolbox. :)