We are (not proudly) part of the tiny segment of the population that doesn’t think Beyonce is the greatest performer* in the world. So, just to set expectations, there’s that.
Beyonce performed at last night’s Super Bowl Pepsi Jeep Calvin Klein Go Daddy Scientology.org Halftime Show and all social media platforms shut down in unison because everyone loves Beyonce and anyone who doesn’t is a birther/maybe racist.
The performance involved lots of fire–coming out of the stage, out of the front of a guitar, out of the back of a guitar–sweating, and attitude, on a stage flanked by two truly, impressively heinous profile portraits (?) of Beyonce (?). If you love occasional singing along to a pre-recorded backing track and medleys, then you probably loved it.
Also, because it wouldn’t be a halftime show without a big dumb gimmick, Beyonce was joined by her once-spurned Destiny’s Child bandmates, Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams… who actually zoomed onto stage straight from the netherworld of irrelevance to which Beyonce had banished them. LaTavia Roberson, LeToya Luckett, Farrah Franklin, TĂˇmar Davis, Nikki Taylor, and Nina TaylorÂ remain trapped and air is running out.
Anyway, since everyone loves Beyonce, we’re not going to write something troll-y about how overrated she is. Instead, we’re going to frame this shit very simply, and not too offensively…
There. There is your poll and we never have to talk about Beyonce or Halftime shows or special guests again.
We can definitely talk about that Scientology commercial, though. Hoo boy.
*No one is challenging her hotness, however. That’s crazy.
(Photo via Wenn)