• Mon, Feb 4 - 1:51 pm ET

10 Reasons Why You Should Never Online Stalk An Ex Again (Never, Ever)

Actually, no you don't. You just tell yourself this when you're bored.

Actually, no you don’t. You just tell yourself this when you’re bored.

Ugh. Social media and Google have made online stalking the easiest thing in the world, but it’s also made letting someone go for good the absolute pits. It’s way too easy to get information or see photos of your ex happy in their new life. When you’re still burned by the whole relationship, it’s the last thing you need. But, sadly, human curiosity always wins in these cases and you’re on the floor in tears.

You can block each other on different social media platforms, but do you know that blocking someone on Twitter isn’t the same as blocking someone on Facebook? You can still see what’s going on in each other’s lives, with the only difference being that you just can’t directly tweet at them. Oh, damn! Looks like your ex can check in and see how fucking fancy you are without them. Oh, double damn! You can check in and see how happy they are in that stupid photo they just posted of themselves with their new love. Like I said, shit is the pits. If only this were 1800-something, then it would all be so much easier.

But honestly, don’t you have better things to do with your time? Don’t you respect yourself way more than to put yourself through the fucking emotional ringer with your ex’s new life that is sans you?

As someone who bought herself a package of star stickers to sticker each day on my wall calendar I didn’t stalk an ex, I can tell you, some 100 days later or so, life without all that in your face is better. Maybe the star stickers were an immature choice, or maybe I was trying to make up for the fact that I didn’t get enough stars on my tests in grammar school, but it worked. I also like shiny things, so I was stoked to see them all glittering back at me when the sun hit them.

A calendar full of stickers aside, there are other reasons to never online stalk an ex again. And I mean, EVER, as in when you find out from a mutual friend that your ex’s wedding announcement is in the Sunday New York Times, you don’t read it that day. Don’t worry, the Times will still be there tomorrow, and even more importantly, so will your sanity. (Besides, it’s not like your ex would make it into the Sunday New York Times wedding announcement section anyway. Boom.)

Photo: Someecards

You can reach this post's author, Amanda Chatel, on twitter.
Share This Post:
  • http://helloalle.com/ Alle

    This is a perfect example of turning lemons into lemonade.
    Loves you, Skippy. You’re so much cooler than any dental hygienist.

    • Amanda Chatel

      Haha! I just blew Diet Coke out my nose. Thank you, A-Dawg!

  • Tania

    This one was difficult for me! I finally got over it when I happened across something his ex-fiance/new-best-friend posted on Reddit (that was fun) and realized she was stalking my blog, knowing it upset me, because she “fucking loves drama.”

    And I realized that if that bastard thinks *I’m* mean for completely unknown reasons (telling him he shouldn’t make a snap decision to move to Europe after spending two months there, while currently being frustrated with his school for not telling him he needed to get another background check and not being sure he can even finish his teacher cert, and while doing nothing but playing WoW and Redditing? That he should wait until he’s settled back into school and work and then decide? Fucking bitch, I tell you), but he has no problem with her stalking my blog and Facebook because she sleeps with him even when she has boyfriends and never disagrees with him? I don’t need him.

    • Amanda Chatel

      That was A LOT to process! Takeaway? You’re so much better off and she needs to read this and quit stalking you.

    • Tania

      I made my blog private, so she can’t stalk it any longer, but damned if she didn’t keep checking it every day until I did. (Thanks, Analytics.) I feel very vindicated when talking about this to friends and being told “I can’t imagine you ever being mean.” I guess he’s a permanent man-child, stuck in the phase where any sort of disagreement means you’re being mean.

  • http://www.facebook.com/nadia.marti.94 Nadia Martí

    I stopped facebook stalking exes and crushes when I accidentally posted a guy’s name on his best friend’s wall…and didn’t realize I had…thought I was in the search bar.

    • Tania

      Oh, cringe.

    • Amanda Chatel

      Haha! Oh man, I’ve done that before, but caught myself at the last minute… more than once.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=677221827 Christine Dewater

    Been like a month and a half since I last stalked my ex. SO SO tempting, but do I really need to make myself miserable? NO! He’s married, has a kid, has a house. There is nothing there I need to see. And it killed me to know he was bicycle racing again. Because I want him to, but I missed being there.

  • Roxanne

    I was never much of a true stalker, but when I found out that my ex-husband’s girlfriend and I had a mutual Facebook friend, it freaked me out. http://wp.me/p1sXPw-h But since then I have a self imposed black out. I never look and you know what?– it’s not that hard and is actually empowering. It’s been years since I’ve even clicked once. I don’t put anything personal on facebook anymore. If anyone stalks me, I’m happily unaware.

  • cannonball101

    I recently discovered an ex now has a Twitter. He’s a graphic designer/photographer, so it makes sense, however, when we were together he was EXTREMELY anti-social media, so it was like I was suddenly seeing something from a person that I knew, but had become someone else entirely. Which, I guess, is exactly what happened.

    I can’t stop checking his Twitter/Instagram…and it’s bad for me, because it’s making me feel bad about my life. I’M STILL AWESOME, THOUGH, I JUST HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT!! (…right?…)

    • Amanda Chatel

      You’re super awesome. ‘Nuff said.

  • G.

    The last picture of the macaron is so fucking disgusting! Why did you do that to my eyes? Worst picture of a macaron EVER.

  • …her?

    But isn’t the true purpose of the internet stalking? Just me? Ok.

  • smurr

    Why is the F bomb in this article?