Vanilla Ice, turns out, is alive, well (as can be expected), and designing affordable Â chandeliers for the home.
It appears this is not a hoax. Capital Lighting has its Vanilla Ice Lighting product up and seemingly functional–at the somewhat astonishing price point of $1495-$1870 for chandeliers (sconces run about $500). Sure–as any young adult who’s ever had to furnish his or her own apartment learns abruptly–lighting is fucking expensive, but if you had $1800 to spend on something… would you really spend it on a Vanilla Ice branded something?
We actually have no real objection to Vanilla Ice designing chandeliers. Frankly, it’s no more preposterous than Victoria’s Secret models designing “lifestyle fashion collections” or every celebrity perfume in history.
What’s striking about this, however, is that everything Vanilla Ice has done since 1992 has been permeated by a crushing sadness. Don’t you look in that smug straining grimace addled by numberless iterations of plastic surgery and find your heart just breaking?
If nothing else, these mentions of Ice become increasingly rare as the chasm between now and “Ice Ice Baby” widens, so please take this reminder of Vanilla Ice’s continued existence as a wonderful excuse to break out any dusty VHS copies of Cool As Ice. That’s one of the most delightful films ever made. Moreover, Naomi Campbell is in it for five seconds!
The designs were heavily influenced by some guy’s dad’sÂ SwarovskiÂ crystal tie, per the below video. Ice described the moment of inspiration thusly: “And we were like, man! We gotta do something with that tie! It’s blingin’!”
Here’s Ice at the Ford Lauderdale Boat Show, pimping his deeply depressing product with all the urgent false enthusiasm of a consumptive prostitute:
(Capital Lighting via Laughing Squid)