On Wednesdays, Amanda Chatel will be sharing stories about her strange, fascinating and sometimes wonderful dating life. If it makes you want to date, check out TheGloss dating page.
Last week we had a horror story from Jessie about the dude who wouldn’t leave, insulted her body (in a weirdly, almost back-handed compliment type of way), and a snow storm that raged on with no end in sight. Scary. This week, as I promised last week, we have yet another story from Jessie. Why? Because the cosmos are against her! No! I kid! Because sometimes people just suck and dating is the devil. In this case, we don’t have just a body-insulter, but a bigot. Oh, dating is fun, isn’t it?
When I was first dabbling in the online dating scene I made the mistake of naively agreeing to be Facebook friends with a potential suitor. He didn’t do anything creepy so I thought all was well; although, I thought it a little weird that he only had a few pictures – the same ones on his Match.com profile.
I was super excited when we finally decided to meet up. He was witty, tall, and handsome, and shared my affinity for hockey. The date was pretty awkward from the beginning.
Online he said he was 6’1, but it turns out that’s only in Internet inches because in real life inches he was probably 5’6 (I’m 5’8). Okay fine; not a big deal — he had a winning personality and we had a connection.
But then he began discussing my Facebook pictures in detail. Asking me if I had a drinking problem, wanting to discuss why so many of my friends were ‘ethnic’ (his words), had I ever been with an ‘ethnic guy’ and is that what I wanted? Didn’t I know what that was doing to America? Who was I gonna vote for? (He hoped it wasn’t Obama.) Then how for Halloween he had purchased a Barack “insane” Obama zombie mask, he was gonna wear, and it was gonna be so ‘chill and hilarious,’ right? He informed me I should stop drinking whiskey and ginger ale because it had way too many calories than I needed.
I lost my shit and we got into a pretty heated argument – my point being that he was a huge prick bigot, and him disagreeing. I slammed some cash down on the table for my drinks and began to gather my things. He begged me to stay and share nachos with him, because I am ‘sexy as hell’ when I’m ‘all fired up.’ I declined and got the fuck out of there.
I didn’t think to IMMEDIATELY delete him from my Facebook, so the next morning I woke up to find he had ‘liked’ all 321 of my pictures, and a text message asking me to hang out again soon.
I am happy to report I met my now man-friend a few months later on that same website and he was totes a gentleman, scholar, and the same height in real life as he was on the interwebs.
I think we all look like we have a drinking problem based on our Facebook page, don’t we? I’m pretty sure 90% of our photos contain has toting around at least one drink at a social gathering, if not double-fisting it. Us aside, let’s hope the fella in question had a swell, er, ‘chill and hilarious’ Halloween in his Obama zombie mask.
You’re up! It’s time to share your dating tale: firstname.lastname@example.org