Wed Bed Dead: Episode 4, Perfect Men

Gloss editors Jennifer Wright (l) and Ashley Cardiff (r)

Welcome to episode four of our new web series Wed Bed Dead, in which editors Jennifer Wright and Ashley Cardiff must decide the (potentially very sexy) fate of three chosen bachelors. The show is a live action spin-off of their longrunning and popular games of Fuck Marry Kill here on The Gloss.

This week, they’re discussing three of history’s most handsome men, those standards of cool, steely masculinity: Paul Newman, Marlon Brando and Clint Eastwood. Ahead, they discuss Newman’s inarguable perfection, fawn over Eastwood’s ability to wear a jean jacket and ponder whether or not they should take Last Tango In Paris into consideration. Also, Ashley’s bra is showing the whole time and Jennifer almost gets her eye poked out.

Longtime readers will know that theirs is the most dangerous game.

Thats all for now, folks–tune in every Wednesday at 1:00 for new episodes of Wed Bed Dead… and don’t forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel.

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    • Sean

      Wait, I assume one of the rules of this game is to consider each person in their prime, correct?

      Either way, assuming that to be the case, I find it kind of terrifying to know that Clint’s “high noon reckoning” will come in the form of Jennifer.

      • Wes

        I was wondering that, too. I think we know based on the title cards they’re using–in this case, definitely prime years. Obviously Clint “senile and screaming at a chair” Eastwood wouldn’t really be a contender against Newman (at any age).

      • Jennifer Wright

        I actually think it would have been much more interesting if we’d played it with additional chair screaming. That was really a missed opportunity.

    • Candace

      If you’d replaced Clint with Robert Redford this would have been much more difficult.

      • Ashley Cardiff


      • Candace

        I find libertarian-ism very unsexy.

      • Winston Blake

        You would rather have a theocracy than a free libertarian society?

        Marriage is for religious kooks.

      • Tania

        Watched Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid a few weeks ago, and heartily agree.

    • Arya

      Fuck Marlon Brando. Fuck him as many times as he’ll let you.

    • Mrs. Josey Wales

      I agree with Ashley–Clint Eastwood is possibly the hottest man of all time.

    • Kimya

      You two are amazing.

    • Longtime Listener

      I like that the premise of this show is “see who can make the other snot with laughter” and then some stuff about fucking people or whatever.

      • Jennifer Wright

        This is the premise of our entire lives (and Ashley has been making my snot for going on 7 years now).

      • Winston Blake

        Monogamy is a hackneyed tenet of religion.

    • Rezia

      Marry Paul Newman. Because Paul Newman. Fuck Marlon Brando. The thing to be decided is: is this a one time only thing? Or can you keep doing it?
      And definitely kill Eastwood. I know about this jean jacket you speak of. I do. But you have to consider that inside, he was always a person who would one day yell at a chair.

      • Ashley Cardiff


      • Ashley Cardiff

        Also. You just don’t like jean jackets enough.

    • Cate

      I, too, would fuck Marlon Brando. In his prime he was probably the most beautiful man who has ever lived. I hear he wasn’t very tall, which is sad, but I suppose everyone is the same height lying down anyway, so it doesn’t much matter.
      The problem is with marriage. While Paul Newman is obviously an Earth-angel, I kind of feel like he is too perfect and would always make me feel bad about myself just by his perfection alone, so sad as it makes me to say this, I think I’d have to kill Paul Newman and marry Clint Eastwood.

      • Ashley Cardiff

        That’s a really astute point, Kate. A marriage to Paul Newman would mean feeling inadequate ALL THE TIME.

        A marriage to Clint Eastwood,on the other hand, could involve as much looking at naked Clint Eastwood as you’d like.

      • Cate

        Exactly! Plus, I mean, chair-yelling aside, Clint Eastwood has aged really, really well. He is one good-looking old dude for sure.

      • Cate

        Plus, aside from the chair-yelling, Clint Eastwood has aged SO WELL. I mean, that’s a good-looking old dude right there.