Sam & Amanda Ponder The Lost Kanye West Fashion Show (Bonus: Ultimate Celebrity Deathmatches)

Paris Fashion Week September 2012: Carine Roitfeld, Sky Ferreira and Kanye West.

Paris Fashion Week September 2012: Carine Roitfeld, Sky Ferreira and Kanye West.

Sam and Amanda have many things in common. They both like to drink champagne, get into trouble, freak out over cute furry things, tattoo quotes on their body and so much more. I mean, the list is pretty damn long, so we’re not going to get into it. But more importantly they both share a freakishly, bizarre interest in Kanye West. Why? No one knows; even they don’t know.

Last fall Kanye decided not to show his fashion collection at New York’s Fashion Week, but opted for Paris’ Fashion Week instead. It’s not like his collections have been well-received. His debut show met with two memorable comments:

Long Nguyen: “There are wishes, and there are realities … I feel bad, actually, that there wasn’t anything to grab on to. But you can’t just dump some fox fur on a runway and call it luxury.”
Anna Wintour: “Ask someone else.”

Woe. When Anna Wintour thinks your designs are shit, you know you’re never going to make it in the fashion world. Poor Kanye. When will these “superstars” realize they just can’t conquer every avenue of the world?! Le sigh.

Although the word on the street is that Kanye will not be showing in New York this week, Sam and Amanda have decided that they’d like to envision what we could have expected. There’s nothing more fun than creating a non-existent fashion show when it comes to Kanye West!

Amanda: I feel like I should put on some Kanye for this…

Samantha: Definitely. I’m gonna go with “Flashing Lights” first because everybody loves a big beginning. Or, at least, Kanye does.

Amanda: Me too! I love that song, but don’t tell anyone.

Samantha: Any video wherein a super attractive adult model kills Kanye is excellent by me. Wait, is that too mean?

Amanda: Hell no!

Samantha: C’est la vie; I bet he loves it. And any attention is good attention for Mr. West!

Amanda: Truth! So… apparently, our beloved Kanye isn’t showing at NYFW this week. How sad are you? I know I’ve been crying for the last three days. I mean, the dude REALLY has a talent for it… HAHA. No. I kid. About the talent part, not the crying.

Samantha: He’s fashion’s next great Jessica Simpson.

Amanda: He really is, Sam. I couldn’t have said it any better myself.

Samantha: I’m sad, but it keeps me going knowing that he and Kim are undoubtedly going to come out with a set of glassware, home decor and His & Her tube socks once the Baby To End All Babies arrives.

Amanda: Ugh. It is in the works. I know it. Damn them.

Samantha: I am admittedly feeling like Fashion Week started off with just a teensy bit less ego than other years. Fortunately, it’s Fashion Week, so I’m pretty sure somebody made up for it by now. Preferably not someone who wears shutter-shades.

Amanda: Well the storm sort of fucked things up this year. Also, he hasn’t worn shutter-shades in like a year! Get with it.

Samantha: That’s Mother Nature yelling, “YOU SHOULD HAVE LET KANYE SHOW. HE HAD SHUTTERSHOES.”

Amanda: Haha! And lots of leather and dresses likely inspired by the new wardrobe he created for Kim. You do realize he burned all her other shit. The rumors are that he just tossed them, but knowing Kanye, he burned it. He’s very dramatic. Likes to make a statement that one. I wonder if he’s already flirted with maternity wear, too. Furry maternity wear to make the ladies look like lil’ bears. He does like fur on his garments.

Samantha: He burned them, only to replace those with worse cutout dresses. That sounds both adorable and deeply terrifying… the bear thing.

Amanda: Because it is.

Samantha: I’mma let you finish…

Amanda: He’s way too into cutouts — dresses, shoes…

Samantha: But I love bears.

Amanda: I love bears, too! I wish I could be a bear! But I digress.

Samantha: I wish Kanye were a bear, as I feel he might design some truly interesting wardrobe items and not the comatose collection he did a couple years ago. It looked like he went to Wet Seal with $25 and told a 12-year-old to “go wild.”

Amanda: It was beyond vulgar. Anna was not happy. One should never piss off Anna.
But yet for some reason he was sitting in the front row at the LV menswear show last week in Paris NEXT TO MARC JACOBS. Why do these fashion geniuses continue to cohort with this guy and his penchant for… whatever the hell he’s trying to create.

Samantha: Maybe Marc Jacobs liked “Flashing Lights’” three videos.

Amanda: There are three videos?

Samantha: Three!

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    • rumbi

      i really think, you are all just hating on Kanye