Lily Cole Does ‘Disaffected Housewife Chic’ In Vogue US

"Light a fire" with Salvatore Ferragamo's coral pumps. "Stick your head in" with Chanel's fuschia box clutch.

Accentuate your weird mattress collection with some Christian Louboutins.

Yellow wallpaper driving you bonkers? These Tom Ford spiked heels double as a handy wrist-slitting device.

Animal hoarding: an of-the-moment way to deal with the fact that you rarely get to put on real shoes and go places.

I'd give you a number to call the next time you feel like burying your infant son in the ground head first, but I'm mesmerized by that Louis Vuitton bag.

When all else fails, carry around a non-working TV everywhere you go like it's your only friend. (It is.)