• Thu, Feb 14 2013

Welcome To Your Perfect Valentine’s Day Pity Party!

Happy Valentine's Day... or whatever.

Happy Valentine’s Day. I love you. I think.

You guys, it’s Valentine’s Day. Happy… whatever. No matter your relationship status you still get a pity party. Why? Because we’ve all had them, and misery loves, oh, what’s the word… er… company! Yes, company!

Can we all agree that Valentine’s Day blows? If you’re in a relationship or not, the end result usually sucks. Even when I was in relationships on Valentine’s Day, it was a bust. I’d get some wonky ass flowers that would die three days later, we’d stand in line for a restaurant to which we had reservations, or my most favorite, that time we drunkenly snuck into a movie with cans of PBR and the fella in question threw up on my shoe. Yes, Valentine’s Day is awesome. Groan.

But why do we need a day to pledge our love to someone we, well, already love? Fuck if I know. Hallmark? Tradition? Society?

Because I love you more than I’ve ever loved some stupid Valentine, let’s commiserate, shall we? I’m not exactly sure what a Valentine’s Day pity party entails, so I’m shooting from the hip on this one.

(FYI. THERE WILL BE NO DRUNK TEXTING EXES, GOT IT?)

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  • CMJ

    This morning, as I was leaving for work, my husband mumbled (from the coziness of the bed), “Happy V-Day..Happy Hallmark Holiday….Happy Vagina Day.” And this is why I love him.

  • Sean

    I’ve been having a great day today…because of the glut of Harlem Shake videos on YouTube. It’s idiotic, but they just make me so happy.

  • Candace

    Oh. My. God. Why has it never occurred to me to day drink on Valentine’s Day???
    New plan.
    You are a genius. Happy Valengin’s Day!

    • Amanda Chatel

      New plans really are the best.

  • Katrina Mahlon

    No more disappointments! This year I am grabbing my “other” and heading to a V-Day event… dancing the night away, shaking the world all to end gender based violence… now that’s a V-day celebration! here’s some info I found… http://www.womenyoushouldknow.net/v-day-one-billion-rising-strike-dance-and-rise/

  • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

    IT’SA A MEEEE <3 Also, I haven't left my bed and I am eating macarons.

    • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

      Also also I need to stop letting people take photos of me drunk.

    • Amanda Chatel

      Yeah, I don’t even remember posing for that photo. But I do know we brought the guys who took it home! Ugh.

  • Tania

    Today is just a day where I am at work. But tomorrow will be… another day where I am at work, but which will consist of on-sale chocolate in heart-shaped boxes AFTER work!

    And definitely no drunk-texting exes. Numbers are deleted from the phone and from old texts, so no risks. I WILL BE STRONG.

  • kj

    Ugh. So today I was all like, yeah! I’m good. I’m not going to think about my deported boyfriend and the hideous, unholy disaster that is currently my love life! I will eat some chocolate, and be cool and enjoy my long weekend! I was all good naturedly checking my Facebook and admiring the giant piles of gifts everyone was giving each other…..

    And I then I saw THIS fucking thing, and I started bawling and couldn’t stop for like, half an hour. Totally ridiculous. Fucking GPS Valentine. Fuck. Who does that?! Look how cute they are! FUCKING HELL fuck. Bawling again. Fuck you, GPS Valentine. You have killed my heart. Surely no one will ever bike out a valentine for me, and my life has no meaning.

    And that has been my evening.

    • Amanda Chatel

      Stop, kj! We don’t know for a fact that someone won’t bike out a valentine for you! So quit it.

      But yeah, that couple is ridiculously cute. I’d say I hate them, but I don’t hate anyone lately. xo.