The Asteroids Are Coming For Us, Prepare For The End Of The World Now

In case you were wondering, the moon is 238,900 miles away from the Earth. So... you do the math.

In case you were wondering, the moon is 238,900 miles away from the Earth. So… you do the math.

You guys, the asteroids are coming for us and we’re all going to die. I’m serious; we are all going to die.

People die; that’s just how life goes. As to whether we’ll die at the hands of a rogue asteroid just as the dinosaurs did or because of some bizarre accident involving butter, a picket fence and a garbage bag, it is in the cards. It’s inevitable.

Early this morning a meteor made its way into the Earth’s atmosphere and exploded above Russia’s Ural Mountains, with over a thousand injuries reported. A couple hours later a 150-foot cosmic rock decided the fun in the skies wasn’t over, and flew by the earth, just missing us by 17,000 miles. That may seem a good distance away, but in cosmos relations, that’s nothing. It’s also the closest an asteroid of that size has come to us. And we all thought our demise was going to be the Zombie Apocalypse; apparently not. It will be death by asteroids, and we have zero say in the matter.

Of course, it will be a slow demise. The Earth will shrivel under the weight of the toxins released into the atmosphere and it will basically look like lower Manhattan did after Hurricane Sandy — but then it will get worse, skin will start falling off of people’s faces, pets will turn rabid, and we’ll befall the same fate as the dinosaurs! (I don’t know why I’m so dark today, but honestly, I just really care about you.)

Since the movie Armageddon sucked at giving us preparation ideas, and focused more on Bruce Willis being some crazy renegade savior, we’re going to shift gears and really look into what we’ll need to endure life after the, dun-dun-dun! ASTEROID ATTACK.

Photo: NASA

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