• Sat, Feb 16 2013

Don’t Forget Not To Murder Your Girlfriend This Weekend

girlfriend
As we head into a three-day weekend, the editorial team here at The Gloss would like to remind our readers the importance of not murdering their girlfriends. Here are a few tips on how to make sure you too can avoid murdering your girlfriend.

Remember, if you and your girlfriend are having a disagreement, it’s very important not to murder her, no matter how wrong you think she is.

If you are unhappy in your relationship with your girlfriend and aren’t sure how to resolve things, try breaking up instead of committing murder.

Don’t murder your girlfriend in front of the child you have together.

If you think you need one, try finding an accountability buddy; preferably one who has never murdered any of his girlfriends. The two of you can provide one another with emotional support. If one of you feels tempted to murder his girlfriend, the two of you can spend some time together talking about the situation and just not murdering anybody. Every day that goes by without girlfriend murdering is a step in the right direction.

Is it okay to murder your girlfriend once you have broken up and she is just your ex-girlfriend? What if one of your friends offers to buy you breakfast if you kill her? No. You should not murder anyone who has ever been your girlfriend.

Ask yourself: where is your girlfriend right now? Is she being murdered, by you? No? Terrific!

If you are thinking about murdering your girlfriend and then impersonating her in order to claim the $400 security deposit on her apartment, don’t.

Find a healthy alternative to murdering your girlfriend, like yoga or knitting.

If you find yourself about to brutally stab the mother of your children while you are having an argument, stop. Have an argument instead of murdering.

Don’t murder your girlfriend. Don’t savagely beat her to death in her dorm room. Don’t murder your girlfriend even if you’re very drunk. Don’t murder your girlfriend even if you break up and she becomes somebody else’s girlfriend. Don’t murder anybody’s girlfriend.

Are you murdering your girlfriend right now? Are you sure? Double check. No? Congratulations; you’re doing great. You’re already well on your way.

[Image via Wikimedia Commons]

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  • Tania

    Whoa. A quote from that first article you linked, about Reeva Steenkamp:
    “She had a funny sense of humour, like a guy’s sense of humour.”