For his latest puerile pranking segment, Jimmy Kimmel turned his white heterosexual male gaze from the innocent children of America to that other portion of the domestic sphere so simultaneously loved and hated by men: the wife.
For this “youtube challenge,” Jimmy asked men to give their wives horrible Valentine’s Day gifts and film their reactions, because what’s funnier than watching a woman who thinks her husband is finally showing her some appreciation for all of her unpaid domestic labor recoil in terror and humiliation from a heart-shaped box of insects?
Granted, some of the “gifts” were amusing: the “severed finger” with a ring on it appealed to my gothic sensibilities, and the picture of Matt Damon dovetailed nicely with the show’s longstanding feud with the A-list actor. And maybe some of the couples featured have a pre-existing, mutually consensual, pranking relationship. But in general, I feel this to be a bold act of attrition in the eternal battle of the sexes that must not go unanswered. Our response must be swift and brutal!
What should we, the women, do in retaliation for this debasing insult? What you, my comrades in ovarydom, ultimately decide to do is up to you, but here are some starter suggestions:
-No more cooking or cleaning
-Ants in pants
-Sex strike, Lysistrata style
-Fake eyeballs in his dinner
-Real eyeballs in his dinner
-Kill all the men