With Valentine’s Day just passing last week, many of us have romance on the brain, or are feeling down in the dumps over finding ourselves alone, at least if you’re like my best friend who insist that she is under a “V-Day Curse”. For me though, February 14th is just another day on the calendar. However, Saturday night, through the wonderful social network that is Facebook, I learned that my former lab partner got engaged. Her now fiancé, went all out, orchestrating a lovely proposal at Disneyland, against a lovely heart backdrop. He even got down on one knee. I know; I saw the video. Thanks Facebook!
I’d like to say that my first reaction was to be happy for her, but actually, I felt a little, bitter, if you will, resentful, even. Not because I want to be engaged, or even in a relationship right now. I’ve written about my fear of intimacy on thegloss before, and in the intervening two or three years, despite the therapy and the dissolving daddy issues, my stance on intimacy and relationships has changed very little. But hearing or seeing rather, that one of my peers was getting engaged made me feel, a tiny bit at least, like some sort of under achiever. It made me realize that, relationship status aside, my life isn’t where I thought it would be by my mid twenties. My inner narcissist keeps whispering to me, “You are so much prettier, smarter, funnier, ect, you could be engaged right now too, if you wanted, but you have standards!” But I just don’t want to be engaged, right? Right.
If I’m completely honest though, I think that maybe my standards may be just a tad too high. I mean, at some point in time, everyone has thought about whom or what would make their perfect mate. Nice hair, great teeth, sense of humor, maybe a great set of legs, or an exceptional pair of… hands. There are so many factors that can be taken into account when thinking of qualities that would be desirable in a spouse. They can be physical, financial, or even personality traits. Even collectively as a society, there are things that people have come to agree upon as a majority as being “good” qualities.
I know that I have often thought about the type of person that I would consider being the perfect or ideal mate. He would be smart, not necessarily book smart in terms of formal education, but someone who can hold his own in different conversations, whether the theme be art, politics, or pop culture. I guess well rounded is what I’m looking for. Also, it’s important for them to be well traveled, or have the desire to travel. For me, this indicates not only a sense of adventure but also an open mind. He must be tolerant of other people and cultures and be willing to consider ideas outside of his own or what he is familiar with. He must be passionate about something, whether its football, art, or cars.
Though the most important quality might be that he has to love food. Not be a glutton, but appreciate a good meal, or even a good libation for that matter.
And it would help if he had an air of “bad boy” around him. He would have a very “devil-may-care” attitude. Basically, he would be seen as an asshole, but in a charming way, not an off-putting way. Also, being tall wouldn’t hurt, either. That’s not too much to ask, right?
It must not be, because, lucky me, I have already found my man. His name is Anthony Bourdain. But woe is me. His show has already visited LA, so I may never get the chance to find him and declare my eternal devotion. Therefore, I must resort to this, written tongue in cheek, “An Open Love Letter to Anthony Bourdain”. Perhaps he will stumble upon it; perhaps, I am doomed to live a life of unrequited love. SIGH! (It’s much better if you read it imagining that I am in Victorian era England, laying feebly across a fainting couch with the back of my trembling hand pressed to my forehead in an over excited state of passion.)