People everywhere deal with stress. Sometimes the source of stress is very real (feeding your family, losing your job, struggling with debt) and sometimes it is not (whatever stresses out bloggers). The funny thing about stress, though, is no matter how serious the source of it is, it’s still slowly killing everyone. All the time. So! We decided to be proactive about our problems (apparently mindlessly searching the internet for ways to handle stress is an unhealthy coping mechanism) and assemble some advice for stress management into a helpful Illustrated Guide. We present you, How to Deal with Stress. First, make your private spaces more comfortable by lighting scented candles. Once your home or apartment smells enough like The Body Shop, start contributing to your stress journal. Which you have. Once you’ve realized that keeping a stress journal is total horseshit, watch it burn. Next, rip your shirt in half: Cathartic, right? Not enough can be said for the healing power of having a creative outlet. Stop by an art supply store for some watercolors, then go to a quiet, sunny patch in a local park and paint a landscape. When you’re finished, throw your landscape into the ocean (where suffering is law). Now, the most important step in stress management is identifying the source of your stress. Think about it long and hard. Then kick it in the groin. Your boss? Groin kick. Small child? Groin kick. If presented with the opportunity, make every effort to ruin the aforementioned small child’s birthday. Next, find one of those hippie weirdos always trying to give out free hugs in crowded places. Savage, unrelenting groin kicks. … Do you feel better now? Perfect. All the assault charges have stacked up and you’ve probably been fired from your job and stuff, so just take your incarceration as a chance to decompress. Celebrate with a few packs of cigarettes. At once. All better!
- Thu, Feb 21 2013