• Thu, Feb 21 2013

Illustrated Guide: How To Deal With Stress

People everywhere deal with stress. Sometimes the source of stress is very real (feeding your family, losing your job, struggling with debt) and sometimes it is not (whatever stresses out bloggers). The funny thing about stress, though, is no matter how serious the source of it is, it’s still slowly killing everyone. All the time. So! We decided to be proactive about our problems (apparently mindlessly searching the internet for ways to handle stress is an unhealthy coping mechanism) and assemble some advice for stress management into a helpful Illustrated Guide. We present you, How to Deal with Stress. stress0First, make your private spaces more comfortable by lighting scented candles. Once your home or apartment smells enough like The Body Shop, start contributing to your stress journal. Which you have. stress2 Once you’ve realized that keeping a stress journal is total horseshit, watch it burn. Next, rip your shirt in half: stress3Cathartic, right? stress5Not enough can be said for the healing power of having a creative outlet. Stop by an art supply store for some watercolors, then go to a quiet, sunny patch in a local park and paint a landscape. stress6When you’re finished, throw your landscape into the ocean (where suffering is law). Now, the most important step in stress management is identifying the source of your stress. Think about it long and hard. stress7Then kick it in the groin. Your boss? stress9Groin kick. Small child? groin1Groin kick. goroin2If presented with the opportunity, make every effort to ruin the aforementioned small child’s birthday. Next, find one of those hippie weirdos always trying to give out free hugs in crowded places. groin4Savage, unrelenting groin kicks. … Do you feel better now? Perfect. All the assault charges have stacked up and you’ve probably been fired from your job and stuff, so just take your incarceration as a chance to decompress. Celebrate with a few packs of cigarettes. groin5At once. All better!

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  • Candace

    Or just eat. Eating helps.

    • Tania

      Up until you realize all your clothes are too tight and you don’t have the budget to replace them and now fitting back into your clothes is a new source of stress. Ah, life.

    • ktree

      THIS. (Also the thought of several packs of cigarettes should not make me as happy as it does.)

  • Anne

    Hahaha That was the funniest one yet! Absolutely brilliant. And that shit should totally work, by the way.

  • Sean

    I’m not one to advocate for kicks in the nuts as a solution to life’s problems, but I just wanted to go on record as saying a kick in the nuts is always a solution to life’s problems.

    • Katie

      Always.

    • QT

      When I’m down, I mostly go on YouTube and watch videos of people getting hit in the nuts. True story.

  • Kendra

    No one in the world keeps a damn stress journal. I refuse to believe that.

  • Tania

    Groin kicks sound like a perfect solution.

    • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

      Very constructive.

  • MR

    That first sketch is good. What are the words up-side-down?

    • MR

      PS. The local park one is good too….the Long Meadow? You can’t be a foreigner forever sister.

  • S.

    I just want to say: This is funny and I like you.

    Why can’t MORE people understand that sometimes small children (ALL my cousins) are demons sent by beelzebub to torment harmless innocents like me?