She then turned to him and began yelling at him for flirting with “some slut” while vigorously shaking her finger in his face. I looked away, smiling politely and uncomfortably, as my general gauge of the situation was, “Dude is pissed that his girlfriend is drunk, girl is pissed that her boyfriend is talking to me,” and I did not want to be in the middle of that. Nevertheless, I also did not want to get rid of my drink which was still mostly full, so I decided to excuse myself to have a cigarette.
“I’ll… come wif you,” she slurred, her eyes totally dead and blinking separately.
She followed me outside to the patio and I gave her a cigarette. She needed assistance lighting it, so I helped her and she smoked it for about three seconds before promptly putting it out. Not knowing what to say, I asked her about her relationship in an attempt to make it clear that I genuinely did not want to sleep with this guy she was seeing. She started babbling about how they were soooo good together and how he was soooo amazing oh my goood. Then, he came outside to bring her his jacket, and she got this weird look.
For a second, I thought she was going to throw up, but then I realized what that look meant. I knew it, because I had seen it before in other females when a very specific idea dawns on them. She glanced at her boyfriend, then leaned over and grabbed my face, pushing it against hers.
I backed up quickly. I was not about to make out with some drunk lady in Disney World who wants to have her boyfriend watch us. I’ve been with women plenty of times, but this was definitely not one of those instances — particularly considering she was sort of drooling beer everywhere. But, I tried to be nice; after all, I have certainly been wasted many times before, and I didn’t want to be rude or make her feel stupid for doing something idiotic.
Her boyfriend, at this point, was rolling his eyes. He told me that they were staying at the hotel down the road, to which I replied that I was, as well, and he offered to have me walk back with them if I could help him get her there. He insisted he was not trying to hit on me and that he genuinely loved this chick, but he just couldn’t deal with her alone. She was being rather unmanageable, and I felt bad for him — again, he seemed totally normal. Plus, I needed to get back to the hotel, didn’t really want to wait for the bus and there were cops (apparently they were not cops, but security guards? When people carry badges and are all in blue, I kind of just assume…) all along the path, so I felt all right about the situation.
Yes, I know. I am dumb.
prev
