• Sat, Feb 23 2013

Book Covers, In Order Of Knee-Jerk Purchaseability

books

Nothing but the title: 10%. Likely inscrutable, almost certainly excessively highbrow.

A person or persons in white robes standing near a pillar: 25%. Might be worth a gamble; might be outrageously dull.

A person or persons in white robes, standing near a pillar, in front of a background with two or more moons in the sky: 80%. Almost certainly excellent. Approaches 100% if there is a cat of unusual size somewhere near the spine.

Part of a woman’s face: 5%. Almost certainly a memoir of worst kind.

Part of a woman’s face, hazily obscured: 1%.

Rippling water: 0%. -10% if there is a woman’s face visible beyond the rippling water (the 10% means I will go watch a very bad movie instead).

A human silhouette: 25% if the human silhouette is meant to depict a living person, 40% if it is meant to depict someone recently murdered.

A city skyline silhouette: 30%. Might be a Candace Bushnell title, but just as easily might be a translated Europa edition.

Public domain art: 70%, regardless of content.

A lavishly dressed woman whose face is cropped out of the frame: 15%.

A pair of shoes: 5%.

A keyhole cover: 80%. This is just as likely a trashy 80s mass-market paperback as a bestselling piece of genre fiction; either way I will derive great joy from viewing the stepback.

A picture of the author (celebrity): 60%.

A drawing of a ship: 60%.

A photograph of a ship: 30%.

A picture of the author (non-celebrity): 20%.

A great deal of words jumbled together (drug memoir): 90%. I can’t help myself.

A great deal of words jumbled together (any other topic) 30%.

A literal drawing of the title: 4%.

A drawing of a house covered in snow: 60% if it’s close to Christmas or my grandmother’s birthday, 15% otherwise.

A close-up of the human eye: 50%. I will either love this book or hate it.

The title font turning into trees or roses or something: 0%.

A picture of the film adaptation of the book: 0%. I will order a used copy online, even if I enjoyed the movie and really who cares if people think I only started reading the book because of the movies, what other people think shouldn’t drive how I spend my money.

[Image via Wikimedia Commons]

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