The Last Woman On Earth Who Leaves Voicemails



“Hi, [redacted]. It’s [redacted].”

“Oh, hi! How are you?”

“Good, good. How are you?”

“I’m great. Did you get my voicemail?”

“No, but I saw you called, so I thought I’d call you back.”




“Oh, this is so great to catch you on the phone! Listen, saw that you called, didn’t have a chance to check my voicemail, so I thought I’d give you a call back and just ask you to repeat whatever it is that you said when you left the voicemail in a way that really captures the spirit of the original. Same energy, same tone, same attention to detail. Whenever you’re ready. Just really go for it. How’s that sound?”


“[Redacted]! Got your voicemail and wanted to -”

“You did?”

“Well, not this one. The one before. I saw you called and I forgot I still hadn’t listened to the last one you left, so I went into my voicemail and between all the prompts and introductions and old messages from other people I just ended up deleting them all. But I got the one you left me last time. That was so sweet of you to say! Thank you so much.”

“Sure, sure.”

“So what did you want to talk about? In this voicemail, I mean. The one I just deleted. What did you say.”

“You know, it’s kind of long. It’s about the trip next month and maybe I should just email you the details -”

“No, don’t do that, I never check my inbox. Are you kidding me? There’s like 900 emails in there, oh my God. If I ever checked it I’d probably pass out.”

[Image via Wikimedia Commons]

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    • anna

      i sent this to my mother (she is this woman)

    • Lisa(r)

      But… but I leave voicemails! This makes me sad. People can be so inconsiderate. This is funnily written but still sad.

    • The Lone Wulf

      I still leave voicemails, too, and I am still somehow amazed when I manage to get ahold of these people later and they’re oblivious to the voicemail’s contents. I’ll never understand it! Obviously it was important enough to me that I left the message!