• Tue, Feb 26 - 10:20 am ET

Shelved Dolls: Constance Wilde – Oscar Wilde’s Wife

Constance WildeIf you were thinking of marrying a gay man because it kind of worked out for Linda Porter, Constance Wilde is here to advice you against that.

Reading a biography of Linda Porter, the wife of the (vaguely) closeted Cole Porter, made me wonder what it would be like to be the woman married to the most famous homosexual man in the world. Pause, insert your Tom Cruise joke, then let’s move on.

I mean, life was not terrible for Linda Porter, life actually seemed pretty great, but she may have been an anomaly in that her abusive ex-husband might have turned her off sex forever.

Oscar Wilde was gay – and known to be gay to such an extent that he is the subject of a joke in Downton Abbey where a homosexual is referred to as a “friend of Oscar Wilde’s.” It was this Irish writer who came up with the symbol of wearing a green carnation boutonniere to signify gay men in Victorian England.

I think a lot of people know this. That Oscar Wilde was gay. If you are the kind of person who reads this column, which is to say, someone who is interested in 1) history and 2) people and 3) reading, you 100% knew Oscar Wilde was gay. He was actually imprisoned for being gay, after one of the most infamous trials of the late 1890s.

You may not have known the boutonniere thing. That’s just a fun fact.

green carnation

Fun and factual!

And even fewer people are aware that he was a devoted family man with a wife and children.

Which does beg the question – did Constance know he was gay?

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  • Lemona

    Fun fact: Constance had her pick of Oscar Wilde or Bram Stoker (she was hotly pursued by both), and she picked Wilde. Also –the Victorians were not as sexually repressed as popular history would have you believe. That stereotype has been blown way out of proportion, and isn’t very useful.

    • Tania

      Yeah, I was about to point out the Victoria was totally into Albert, famously so, and they had many children proving they weren’t exactly avoiding the bedroom.

  • JennyWren

    Very interesting, thank you. Seems like they were above all great friends and admired each other very much as people. In Victorian times that probably seemed like as good a reason to marry someone as anything else (even though they weren’t as sexually repressed as we like to imagine, women still faced considerable disadvantages in terms of the marriage market and after marriage). It must have been terrible for her to see Wilde beggar himself and destroy their marriage/arrangement, which looks like it worked well for a while, over someone as horrid as Bosie.

  • BeccaTheCyborg

    It seems to me that Wilde was actually bisexual, though preferring men. Following his marriage, he did write a letter to a friend talking in great detail about how awesome sex was with her, so, uh, yeah. Bisexual people exist.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1404774256 Carey Gibbons

    I did my undergraduate thesis on Wilde and always felt sorry for Constance. I think she and Oscar could have had a comfortable life together if not for Bosie. But Wilde was so in love with youth and beauty.

  • alexandra

    Bosie has an Avatar nose.

    that is all.

  • Margaux

    I am a huge fan of Oscar Wilde and I do not know about those green carnations! Poor Constance, though.

  • Teleny

    I too adore Constance. She had a sad childhood and deserved better treatment from Oscar. Someday if I ever get to Genoa, I will put flowers on her grave.

  • sunflowertattoo

    carnations for gay men and sunflowers for women who liked oscar (gay straight or bisexual) Constance had her suspicions reportedly. Interesting fact sunflowers repressent constancy in victorian flower language and in tattoo art.

    • sunflowertattoo

      and also I just found out sunflowers were the equivalent of a gay pride flag in some circles.

  • sunflowertattoo

    carnations for gay men ,sunflowers for women who were fans of oscar( gay strait or bisexual ) constance was aware for at least the latter part of their marriage. Sunflowers represent constancy in both modern tattoo art and victorian flower language.