Why Jason Segel & I Need To Date (NSFW)


I know I am very late to the “My Crush” game, but I have just received some very significant news: Jason Segel is single. I am bummed that he and Michelle Williams didn’t work out because she is exceptionally lovely and they made an adorable couple. Nevertheless, it allowed to daydream briefly about what it would be like if Mr. Segel were to randomly

For the record, I am a very sane person who fully realizes she will never date a celebrity. I am realistic — well, pessimistic, but they’re practically the same thing — and have no genuine expectations to somehow pursue a famous person and have him or her suddenly want to bang and/or love me forevs. I like being a non-celebrity. I like not having a lot of people pay attention to me. I like it, and it will probably stay that way regardless of whether I like it, anyway.


I have the fattest crush on Jason Segel. I have since I watched Freaks & Geeks as a kid and it has sustained itself steadily into my adulthood. I recall seeing him as stoner “freak” Nick Andopolis and wondering if he was really that awkward in real life, and if he was, maybe he and I could be friends because I was extremely awkward. (Actually, I still am, but shhhh.) I found his comfortable weirdness so attractive — it’s a actually trait that is still incredibly appealing to me in a companion, as I have always been told by people I date that I am very peculiar, but they seemed to like it decently enough and I feel like I work best with similar folks.

His stardom rise was a bit slow, but not in a bad way. More in that way that Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s career was a bit slow because he chose roles wisely, thereby ensuring he could avoid the deal of Shane West/Chad Michael Murray/other former hotties you literally never hear about nowadays after their quick trip to Celebrity Island.

Oh, and he did full-frontal nudity in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. And I liked it.

I don’t think you guys wanna see Segel hang dong on The Gloss so here’s this Vanity Fair picture instead.

And then…then came The Muppets.

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    • jacaline

      I wonder how many of us there are. As I am also in love with Jason, I find very few people who agree hahaha

      • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

        I know, right? Every time I mention it, somebody goes on some long rave about how much hotter Ryan Gosling or Bradley Cooper are. But I think we are right to be Segelovers <3 Hahaha.

    • Sean

      God Sam, you have a near lethal “there is no option but yes” face.

      • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

        This is how my family came to have three cats.

    • sabrina

      haha you’re adorable at the end! and i didn’t know loving jason segel was a thing? the only celebrites i’ve ever had crushes on are dead punk stars so i guess i’m not up to date

      • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

        Why thank you! And it is kind of a thing, but not hugely so.

        Also, I feel you on the people who are not deceased on whom I have had celebrity crushes. In all honesty, I would’ve genuinely wanted to go to Dave & Busters with Kurt Cobain.

    • alexandra

      I actually have a friend who had this exact sentiment and she met and dated Jason Segel. She described him as good in bed but “not boyfriend material.” She looks a little like you though! Except her hair is not blue. So I think he likes your type (;

      PS You have to tell me who the new lesbian celeb couple is.

      • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

        “and she met and dated Jason Segel”

        SAY WHAT.

        But f’real, that’s amazing. And I am admittedly jealous, since I have a strong feeling there is no way Jason Segel is popping up in Portland anytime soon. Nevertheless, you have given me hope in some strange way…:D

        P.S. Shoot me a Twitter message or something for that! ;D

    • Maggie

      I agree with you on all counts. I’ve openly told my fiance that were we to enter into a “hall pass” situation, Jason Segel would be mine. He’s the best part of “How I Met Your Mother,” and he’s been brilliant in every movie/show he’s been in (in my opinion). Also, if you haven’t seen any episodes of “Undeclared,” you should. His character is beyond hilarious.

      • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

        He’s the perfect use of a hall pass if I’ve ever seen one. And I love what I’ve seen of Undeclared! I’ve only watched a couple, but I need to watch more now since I think I will love it even more these days.

    • Rebekah Coote

      I have been saying this for years. He is a beautiful man.