Is Shailene Woodley Hot Enough To Be Spiderman’s Girlfriend?

Shailene Woodley is probably not hot enough to be Spiderman’s girlfriend because he’s not a real person and no amount of hotness could will him into being.

Yesterday, Cinemablend ran some pictures from the set of the new Spiderman movie, where Shailene Woodley is playing Mary Jane. And we all thought “there is another Spiderman movie? How is there one every year?”

And other people thought other things. Basically, they were outraged by Woodley’s lack of hotness. Because they are absolutely, utterly insane. As if they were gripping sanity tightly with both hands, and then, slowly, almost beautifully, they let it go entirely. They don’t even see what you or I see. To them, this page does not have words on it, it has a teeming multitude of snakes.

Shailene Woodley: repulsive troll person

Shailene Woodley: repulsive troll person

I can tell, because they have said:

“Omg she looks horrible I hope they can do something with that face of hers.”

“Mary Jane is supposed to be hot.”

“Looks horrible as a redhead.”

I have deciphered their hidden, coded messages. They are trying to say:

“I am saddened by the way women are not cartoon characters. Why aren’t they all fembots? Why do they have proportions?”

“I hate the way movie stars are still human beings”

“I will never date a real live woman”

“My superpower is being alone forever.”

Hang in there in your nightmareworld, guys.

Picture via Wikipedia


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    • Samantha

      Oh my goodness, this is maddening! For awhile, I wanted to believe that the misogynist nerd-virgin stereotype was just a myth, and then I went to Comic-Con. While, of course, not all nerdy dudes are like this, the stereotype is true alarmingly often. Beyond that, anyone that watched The Descendents, where she spent 90% of the movie in a swimsuit on the beach, knows that this Shailene Woodley is ridiculously hot. And beyond that, isn’t Mary Jane supposed to be more girl next door than bombshell? Ahh, so much irrationality!

      • AmbienceChaser

        No, Mary Jane’s a bombshell model/actress and pretty aggressively flirty. “Face it, Tiger. You just hit the jackpot.”
        But I agree the whining is super dumb. Shailene Woodley looks great.

      • Sean

        As a card-carrying-but-closeted nerd, I can say AmbienceChaser is wrong and right at the same time. MJ is indeed the girl next door, but she’s also very attractive. The “face it tiger…” line is in relation to the fact that she’s lovely AND very supportive of Peter’s efforts to save the city from its villains. Other girls would be all “don’t go out there, you’ll get hurt and I’ll worry”…MJ supports him 100%, stitches the tears in his costume, and is cool and strong enough to trust him to make it back home.

        I have no idea who Shailene Woodley is, but she’s lovely…if she can pull off the MJ attitude and confidence in herself, she’ll do just fine.

    • Amanda

      When the Secret Life of the American Teenager came on, I was told that I looked like her ALL the time. Now I’m constantly told I look like KStew, which is maddening because I was flattered by both comparisons, but all I ever read about on the Internet is how ugly people think they both are. I don’t think either of them are, especially Shailene Woodley, but to each their own.

    • Cassie

      1) Shailene Woodley is not ugly, wtf is their problem?

      2) I don’t like her acting. I watched Secret Life when it came out and I liked it okay, and I watched the Descendents and liked it… but her acting is too… I don’t even know how to describe it. “OH you mean the camera is ON ME now???” I don’t think she’ll make a good MJ. I thought Dunst was pushing it. They need to pick a woman who is strong enough to be herself an who can BC MARY JANE and then be Peter’s girlfriend.That’s who MJ is!