• Fri, Mar 1 2013

Dear HuffPo: Sideboob Is Not An ‘Epidemic’, It’s My Comfort BFF

sideboob via fashionbyhe flickr

I am a firm believer in the greatness of sideboob. Yes, it can be overdone and, yes, it runs the risk of involving a nipslip if you aren’t careful, but it’s certainly not the ‘epidemic’ a writer over at Huffington Post seems to think it is.

Liat Kornowsky deemed looks involving sideboob as “less than classy” (sigh) and un-ladylike. She goes on to ponder why the women of Hollywood have been showing it so often lately:

Dear fine ladies of Hollywood, don’t mistake me for a prude. I’m a strong believer that if you’ve got it, flaunt it. Even if you don’t have it, wear it proud. Wear whatever you like, go as short or as tight as you can, hell, burn your bras in a 1960s tribute and go topless for all I care.

But the problem — and what to me makes it big enough that it’s worth addressing — is that you’re now getting creative with what we call “sideboob.”

Uhm, doesn’t that mean you’re actually not a “strong believer” in wearing “whatever you like”? Anyway…

Nothing says “Look at me, please!” quite like a peek-a-boob. You can obviously afford a well-fitting brassiere, double-sided tape, or a stylist with a modicum of common sense…

I can see how you might (mistakenly) perceive the sideboob as appealing. There’s something naughty about it, right? It symbolizes womanhood? Well, it doesn’t. For all intents and purposes, all your lady parts were created equal. Just like you avoid the all-too-terrible crotch shot, for the love of God, cover up your boobs. There are plenty of sites that are waiting for you to slip up, and they’re the kind you try your hardest not to end up on.

First of all, not all women who show sideboob are trying to get people to look at them (and even if they are, who cares?). Some people just like it. Who says we think it “symbolizes womanhood”? For me, it just gives a nice breeze around my chest which is pretty wonderful when I’m walking around the hot beach or at a park in summer and I can’t take off my shirt like a dude because laws are stupid and hate female nipples.

Also, female celebrities — like all people — shouldn’t have to dote on desires of other people to see them “slip up”; otherwise, we would have to avoid wearing stilettos, high slits, sheer anything, short skirts, short shorts, bathing suits, strapless dresses and tons of other shit that is pretty great to wear should the occasion call for it.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

All women are constantly told mixed message: be sexier, be more adorable, wear formfitting clothing, value modesty, show our bodies, hide our bodies, showing skin is sexy, sexy women don’t wear revealing garments, boobs are amazing, cleavage is classless…it’s enough to make your head spin. The same industries and media outlets that churn out article after article — whether clothing or written — showing women how to “be sexy” are the same ones that wind up critiquing them for attempting to do so.

One of the reasons I’m a little peeved is that I feel women with larger breasts are often criticized for wearing garments that reveal side breast (or any breasts), while women with smaller breasts are a insulted for it a bit less. Wearing clothes that show larger breasts is seen as somehow offensive because, as one asshole I know said, it’s like “shoving your womanhood in everyone’s face.” I mean, I get it — not everybody wants to see tits. But at least be consistent about it.

Being a 34DD, I used to wear thick underwire bras all the time in order to keep my boobs at bay, as I thought that doing any differently would make me look stupid. Some wise friends of mine turned me onto the wonders of going braless and holy shit, I was instantly hooked. The freedom! The comfort! The lack of wire cutting into my skin whenever I tried to do anything besides sit up straight! I now also wear unpadded bras, but either way; the sideboob/no support effect is intact, and I love it.

Plus, whether you’re going to a moderately dressy or fun or ridiculous event and don’t feel like wearing a bra, sideboob can look awesome –in my opinion, obvs. Shit, I wore sideboob to prom and absolutely loved it (plus, my look was inspired by Chinatown so I was already hooked on the idea). I actually crowdsourced my Facebook friends to see if anybody had any photos of me rocking sideboob as proof of my love but, alas, this is the best we could come up with — or at least the only one that wasn’t specifically taken to show my scarification, and I had a feeling that posting those would be weird. Anyway, my apologies for the weak photo and bikini added, but I swear it was there. Sideboob solidarity (sideidarity?), dammit.

I also chose to not use one with my face because I just assume you’re all sick of it after the makeup post earlier.

So, NAY, I say to HuffPo! Show your goddamn sideboob if you so choose, ladies. It will likely look awesome (just don’t forget the double-sided tape!).

Photos: FashionbyHe/Flickr, Brian To/WENN.com, me.

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  • Fabel

    “for the love of God, cover up your boobs” <–huh? Is she also against regular ol' cleavage? If so, at least she's consistent; if not, then she should have just written "Side boob makes me uncomfortable. Something about the outside curve of breasts is more scandalous to me than the inside curve, & I recognize my perception makes no logical sense."

    Also, quit fishing, Sam Escobar. Of course nobody is sick of your face! ;) (yes, I emoticon'd you)

    • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

      Hehehe http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lp15zm4pMb1qc3599.gif

      Feel free to emoticon me any time! Also, I normally don’t care about posting photos of my face, BUT I figured since there were like 90849304 close-up ones, it might seem like overdoin’ it!

      ALSO, she seemed not against cleavage, actually. It was difficult to tell, though…weird, right? Why would you write about fashion if you’re the freaked out by people getting “creative”?

  • Hooty

    This is another tired public service rant to say that if your boobs are actually 34DD, they won’t need much wrangling. DD is a small, dainty cup. The common perception of a DD boob is more like a G-H. The wrong-sized bras are the devil’s work; the right bras are your friends and allies.

    Sideidarity, though.

    • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

      Although don’t consider them small (dainty sounds nice, though!), I do think there’s a misconception that DD is proportionally larger than it really is. But this isn’t a tired public service rant about wrangling anything; it’s a tired public service rant about not giving a shit whether or not you wrangle regardless of size. I am obviously not the largest-chested lady out there; I just use mine as an example because, y’know, they’re kinda the only ones I have tons of authority on.

      But yes, sideidarity indeed, haha.

    • Hooty

      Oh, no, mine was the rant. I’ve nothing against sideboob, but I do want to spread the word that the right bras can make a lot of difference, comfort-wise. Boob on.

  • Cassie

    I wish I had the confidence for a no wire/no padding bra. With 42DDs and working with small children, I would rather not risk THO. :( boo. Dang awkward kids saying awkward things.

  • gemma

    she has less of a problem going topless than with sideboob? …ok?

  • Erynn Petrulis

    THANK YOU!!! I was so pissed about that article. Why should women have to be so modest about their breasts if they don’t want to? Men can show off as much titty as they want and I’ve never understood why 9__9 Plus I think sideboob is kind of just a nice aesthetic, but that is my personal preference.

  • Clementine

    Sideidarity, Indeed. Plus, I am getting really tired of the “you have big boobs, that’s just slutty. But if you got a couple of B’s..rock out!!”

  • http://twitter.com/MerDiann Meredith Hirt

    I am well endowed also, and I’ve gotten the showing-em-off shaming ever since 7th grade. Screw it. I like side boob, I’m gonna rock it. Sideidarity for sure.