• Sat, Mar 2 2013

Your Prize Is Hanging Out With Dudes

guy friends

Congratulations. You are a true Woman of Merit and Courage. You have passed through the Fires of Understanding; you have hewn your way through the Elaborate Hedge Maze of Adversity. You have truly proven yourself to be an Exemplary Member of your sex. We commend you for your bravery, your fortitude, and your ability to just be chill and not make a big deal out of things, you know? You’re just laid back. Which we on the Gender Committee really appreciate.

You have undergone many trials in the last year, and lost many friends. They were lesser beings. They perished, and rightly so, as they could not hang with us. You, however – you are capable of hanging, and as a reward for your efforts you shall be granted the highest prize available to a woman of your caliber.

Your prize is Hanging Out With Dudes. Yes, it’s true. From now on, you shall be known not by your former name – that is a name of darkness and of confusion – you shall be known as the Girl Who Mostly Hangs Out With Dudes. When dudes go to the bar, you will be invited. When they talk about other girls, you shall be allowed to join their conversation, almost as if you were a dude in your own right.

Not quite of course, but almost.

When they order whiskey, you shall drink whiskey as well. You’re not like other girls, a fact they will be sure to point out to you from time to time. You are like them, Girl Who Gets To Hang Out With Dudes.

I can see that you are overwhelmed with the size of this reward. Take a moment to collect yourself, and to wipe off the accumulated smoke and blood and dirt from your travels. Take your time. And welcome. Your life is about to begin – your life of Hanging Out With Mostly Dudes.

[Image via Wikimedia Commons]

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  • lauren

    I like your writing style, Ms. Ortberg. It’s always very close to, if not exactly, how I think.