It is currently a fact that we, the people, know precious little about the inner workings of Kate Middleton and/or her royal fetus. But that paradigm shifted just a little bit yesterday when a well-wisher offered Princess Katherine a stuffed teddy bear and she reportedly said “thank you, I will take that for my d…” Wait, oops, never mind. I command you to un-hear that at once!
When questioned by alphabet-savvy reporters on whether she and Will are having a “daughter,” Kate said she didn’t know yet, then quickly revised her position to “we’re not telling.” Aren’t ya?
In addition to the obvious fact that they are having a daughter/dinosaur/depressed person, this reveals that Kate is easily tricked by snuggly stuffed animals into letting her guard down and telling people her personal shit. Additionally, she is a terrible liar. I hope they never let her around nuclear launch codes, state secrets, or surprise parties. This makes me feel closer to her because I’m not allowed to know about those things, either.
But less importantly, what will Kate Middleton name her little state secret? Here are some appealing options:
Cersei: Implies a strong, maternal woman with an evolved political sensibility. May have a tendency towards bitchface and copulating with siblings.
Broomhilda: In exchange for moderately shiny hair, Kate Middleton once promised a magical dwarf the chance to name her firstborn.
Red Rhododendron: Red Rhododenron, Princess of Cambridge, will blow Blue Ivy Carter out of the sandbox with a single contemptuous glance.
Herpetia: A subtle call out to the House of Windsor’s reptilian illuminati roots.
Sybil: Will either run away to Dublin with an Irish socialist chauffeur or be able to see the future.
(Via Hello! Magazine)