Harlotry: Why Men Insist On Getting Off Their Prostitutes (And Why Prostitutes Keep Faking It)

Angelina Jolie by David lachapelle

Cathryn Berarovich is something of a renaissance sex worker; she was until recently employed as a stripper but has held numerous interesting jobs in the industry (and she’s currently an excellent columnist on this very website). Each week, she shares her stories in Harlotry.

The relationships all sex workers, but especially prostitutes, have with their clients and the relationships clients have with their favorite sex workers are strange and many-layered. On the surface, there is the business arrangement: the client pays the whore to fuck him (or her, I guess, though women don’t seem to buy sex). At the moment the money is exchanged, everyone knows what’s going on and from there on out the prostitute has to help the client forget there was ever a transaction involved.

Nobody wants to pay for sex. Sure, there is the odd guy who gets off on the very act of paying, who prefers to pay, either because he enjoys the humiliation, or because he enjoys the power of getting something he wants by an action so simple as throwing a few pieces of paper at his desires, but even those men don’t usually want to see the payment as an intrinsic part of the exchange. They still want to believe they’d achieve the same result if money were subtracted entirely from the equation.

Back when I was a whore, I browsed the m4w erotic services section of Craigslist as frequently as I posted my own advertisements. Naturally there were a few gigolo hopefuls on there, but mostly it was men advertising for prostitutes. None of them actually said they wanted prostitutes, though. There were no “Wanted: Jovial Trollop” headlines. They all wanted a “non-pro,” a “needy student,” or a girl next door with bills to pay. I’d imagine that most of the women responding to their advertisements were, like me, baby hookers who hadn’t yet figured out how to appear polished and expensive and were therefore somehow more enticing to the group of men who pretend that buying sex is different or somehow better if the girl doesn’t sell it regularly.

(Headline photo of Angelina Jolie by David LaChapelle)

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    • Amanda

      “I imagined how a civilian woman would feel if, for example, a man told
      her he was going to give her the orgasm of her life and them proceeded
      to limply tongue her vaginal opening.”

      Lmao, this!!! SO many guys think they know how to give a woman head, but fail miserably. One of the things I love most about me and my boyfriend’s sex life is the fact that he is one of the few men I know that can actually give head.

      There should be classes on it or something, seriously.

      • Hibernia86

        Women usually aren’t as vocal about what they want and then complain on boards like this. I think it would be better if they just politely talked to their boyfriend about it instead of assuming that he is just supposed to know it all instinctualy or something.

      • Cate

        Again, I’m really not the best person to judge, as I really, really do not like receiving oral sex, and am generally pretty bored by clitoral stimulation, but a lot of guys simply do not listen to direction.
        In my experience they do what they’re asked for a minute or two and then gradually go back to their old stupid technique.

      • Jon

        Ok now I’m so confused:( I thought most guys ignored the clit (can’t find it) and that is why most women don’t orgasm with their partner. Girls are so complicated, like a rubik’s cube:P Guys are easy, stroke the tip super fast for a couple minutes and it’s game over;)

      • Cate

        This is another problem! But what I’m saying is that even when a guy is relatively talented and can actually find my clit (it’s not hard, yo!) it’s a snoozefest and there are a million other things I’m more into.
        Oral is held up as some kind of holy grail of sexual encounters, but frankly I’m not really sure why, particularly as I’m far from the first lady I’ve encountered who feels this way.

      • Jon

        That makes sense:) I think it’s that whole projecting what you like on other people thing. Since most guys love oral they assume all the women they’re with are too and refuse to believe the contrary. I think that’s the biggest thing that annoys me about people, is how we unconsciously project our reality on to others. I wish there was a machine that allowed us to experience the world through other people’s eyes, we’d probably be a lot nicer to each other, and the sex would be crazy awesome;)

    • http://SommelierinSneakers.blogspot.com/ SomminSneakers

      So proud of you darling, I hope the new gig works out fantastic! Wonderful post, and your ‘limply tongue’ is pretty much a standard for most oral, right?

      Let’s just hope we don’t hear: ‘Uh, don’t you guys know about higher education?’ on this post, lol.

      xoxo

      • Hibernia86

        If girls don’t say what they want, then the guy has no way of knowing. There isn’t a manual for this sort of thing. Don’t complain if the guy doesn’t do it right if you’ve never told him what to do.

      • http://SommelierinSneakers.blogspot.com/ SomminSneakers

        Inside joke, darling.

      • Cate

        No, no, no, moist suckling! MOIST SUCKLING!!!!

        But seriously, I’m really, really over the people who are like, “go do something socially acceptable!” If they keep up, I’m running away, joining the circus, and writing about that just to see how they like it.

        I think this will work out! So far it’s been like a month and I’m really happy. And I already have stories!
        Also, let me know if you’re coming to town, because it would be super cool to meet you.

    • DaPlainTruth

      all women are whores and you pay for pussy no matter who you bang. The nice house and nice car for your pussy so you can bang it. listening to women rant and rave like you care is for the pussy. The only time a women should open her mouth is to suck dick period. They are all whores who do it for the money.. Take me to a nice resturant they say and you say ok I will pay the bill for da pussy

      • meteor_echo

        Troll fail.

    • DaPlainTruth

      all women are whores and you pay for pussy no matter who you bang. The nice house and nice car for your pussy so you can bang it. listening to women rant and rave like you care is for the pussy. The only time a women should open her mouth is to suck dick period. They are all whores who do it for the money.. Take me to a nice resturant they say and you say ok I will pay the bill for da pussy

    • meteor_echo

      Heh, another person disgusted by receiving oral sex. I like giving it, but getting it? Fuck no.

      • Cate

        Thank you! I’m so annoyed by guys who believe that hours between my legs is the way to make me scream. The worst of it is, when you try to explain to those guys that there are 5,000 other things you would rather be doing, they go all, “no baby, this is about you.”
        It’s so, so stupid, and before anyone chimes in to say I’ve just never been with a guy who actually gives good head, I have. I’ve been with several, and they’ve managed to give me the smallest, most remarkably unspectacular orgasms of my life. No thanks.

      • meteor_echo

        I really don’t get off of clitoral stimulation, and besides, oral sex has been ruined for me by an abusive ex-boyfriend who did things to me that I wouldn’t want to really mention. But yes – I have no idea why it’s considered something special. It’s so… boring and mildly annoying.

      • http://deano.com Deano

        Different strokes for different folks. Don’t hate just cause it’s not your favorite thing.

        Lots of people do *really* enjoy it, and honestly in the context of this article I’d suggest that perhaps the money thing may be clouding Cate’s ability to objectively assess of how these gents might be received with a willing/eager civilian who actually enjoys oral… At least, with one who can actually ask for what they want/give direction. Those who can’t… Well, that’s hardly the guy’s fault either.

        I sympathize in general, though – I honestly have no Earthly idea why anyone, ever would think even slightly brushing up against, let alone cupping/gripping/tugging/kissing/licking/sucking my balls would be remotely pleasurable. I mean, they’re right next door to That Thing That Really Loves Attention™, sure, but a lot of people I’ve been with seem to think it’s a “betcha didn’t know I knew this secret trick that gets guys off, woot!” kinda thing.

        That said, in both cases, if you know it turns your partner on, that should be more than reason enough to give them a go at it… At least until it gets annoying.

        If thinking they gave you an orgasm makes them happy, then shouldn’t you be happy you’re making them happy and being paid for it? That’s the kind of thing that leads to good reviews, regulars, and better quality clients from what I hear from friends in the biz.

      • meteor_echo

        I *do* have the right to hate things I dislike in bed – in this case because I’ve been sexually abused by an ex who held me down and performed oral on me against my will. You can guess why it ruined the whole “receiving oral” thing for me.
        I’d rather have my boyfriend tell me what exactly he likes and dislikes in bed than to go out of my way trying to please him, then find out he’s been faking. Besides, I’m not a sex worker, so I have the luxury of not having to fake it if it’s not doing anything for me.

      • http://deano.com Deano

        Um… agreed? I’m not sure what you’re arguing here. Have preferences, and communicate them. Sounds awesome!

    • FredC1968

      Often, prostitutes are really paid to leave.

      • Cate

        Truth!

      • Tera

        And I have never met one that would have a problem with leaving. We are just waiting for you to finish so we can leave.

    • hanif abidin

      I don’t know why but this story is so sad for me its bring tears to my eyes, even though I never bought a prostitute.

      • Cate

        I’m so glad you’ve never bought a prostitute, as slavery is illegal.
        Are you saying you’ve never rented a prostitute’s time, though?

      • hanif abidin

        I never be with prostitute, I even never had sex because I saved it for my marriage. Sorry with my bad english

      • hanif abidin

        I say I never had sex doesnt mean I only never had penetration. I never had any kind of sex ( hand, oral, anything )

    • Randomandunimportant

      We have an issue as men, well, we have lots of issues, but number one is thinking about the final goal and not the awesomeness of the game itself. ‘How can I make her come?’ is the worst question ever as it will never get a proper or universal answer. The question should be ‘How do I make her rip the bed sheets?’ and should be followed up by several ‘can her knuckles get any whiter?’ and always the pair ‘am I hurting her? And if so is she into it?’ unlike the rubik’s cube, which is exactly the same every time you pick it up, women are like playing guitar and singing with a different blues band each night; sometimes you need to be flashy with your finers, sometimes is your voice and mouth you focus on, sometimes you need to break out the harmonica because she’s already fucked John Mayer and occasionally you have to bash your guitar into the amps and drums because damnit, some girls like getting the shit choked out of them. In the end my brothers, PAY ATTENTION to her and remember that when she tells you over dinner that her favorite thing is to be tossed around like a rag doll, she’s not saying that to make you blush (not entirely). I’ve made the mistake of thinking all women adore oral sex and I personally blame the porn and romantic comedy industries. Some women aren’t down with it,some are, and again some just want a goose egg on their noggin from being slammed into the headboard, while quite a few ofmy favorite women have told me to be quiet, moved my hips with their hands and nails and told me flat out not to speak or touch for at least twenty minutes after.

      • Randomsndunimportant

        *fingers* and numerous other typos. Damn iPad.

    • Dan

      Cathryn,

      You admit you don’t like oral, but, if a client asked you what you do like would you tell them and let them play it out? Also, what do you think most women would prefer if not clitoral stimulation? Just seems to me that sex is best when both parties are into it even when it’s paid sex.

    • Danny Williams

      Why don’t men get that when you pay a woman for sex,the money is for her AND THE PLEASURE IS FOR YOU.Why in the world would you care about giving the woman an orgasm?That is insane.If that’s the case then why are you paying her?These guys are so naive to think they are actually giving the woman an orgasm!!

    • Wise guy

      Yet more proof that men shouldn’t bother with trying to please women and just please themselves. As a wise friend of mine once said, “after 30, everybody is responsible for their own orgasm.” Bingo.