Poll: Are You Not Pretty Enough For Your Partner? (Even Olivia Wilde Has Her Doubts)


Have you ever wondered whether you are not pretty enough for the person you’re dating? Many people I know, both men and women, have voiced concerns regarding how attractive whomever they’re seeing is and if they themselves are capable of matching up. But this isn’t merely a “normal person” issue; in fact, it seems Olivia Wilde has even worried about this issue.

In an interview with Marie Claire, Wilde discussed her courtship with actor and comedian Jason Sudeikis. On meeting him, she said, ”I was just learning to be by myself. He seemed to really see me, see through the bullshit… He was so handsome, and he could dance.” Awww! Snazzy, right? Well, it’s what Wilde said regarding her insecurities that has thrown many people’s sensibilities on how women who are widely thought of as beautiful should think.

“I thought, ‘He won’t be interested in me; I’m not a contender.’ He was so cool, so funny – I was such a fan of his and had always fancied his speed and his intelligence. I thought, ‘I’m not beautiful enough or his type.’”

The first frustrating thing about these words is something Alexis over at our sister site Crushable pointed out: “It’s really disappointing that she’s only valuing herself in terms of beauty, while she’s able to give Jason credit for being discerning, cool, funny, witty, smart, and a good dancer, as well as handsome.” It is ridiculous that women are so often categorized and deemed worthwhile based entirely on their looks, rather than what intellectual or other personality-related factors they can bring to a relationship.

Of course, Wilde is completely within her right to feel this way. Yes, she is considered beautiful by many, many, many people in the world, but everybody is capable of being insecure sometimes — including famous women. But what upsets me far more about Wilde’s comment is how incredibly common it is for people to feel this way about themselves with regard to their significant others.

I would 100% be lying if I said I never felt like my value was based considerably on my looks. While I have learned to focus more on my actions and personality, I admittedly still feel incredibly insecure sometimes when I am out with a person whom I consider more physically attractive than myself. I find this ironic considering I’ve never once thought, “Ha, I am way too hot for this person!” while on dating somebody, but then, it is often easier to hold ourselves to unreachable standards. Though I believe that attraction is important in a relationship, I think that the feeling of being not pretty enough for another person goes beyond wanting them to be attracted to you; it delves into whether or not the rest of the world will accept your relationship, too.

For example, with Lena Dunham and Patrick Wilson‘s affair in Girls a couple weeks ago, people freaked the fuck out because they believed Wilson could never be attracted to somebody who looks like Dunham. Dunham (whom I believe to be good looking, but that’s beside the point here) is not “conventionally beautiful” according to Hollywood standards, thus making her somehow unworthy of a person who is considered conventionally attractive, despite Wilson being married to a woman who is a size 10 and has a “muffin top” — again, not that these are unattractive qualities, they’re just not considered “Hollywood standards” because Hollywood is stupid and ridiculous and absurd. But I digress.

The point is that we are all hot enough to date our significant others, mmk? If the relationship is based on attraction, you’re hot enough. If the relationship is based on personality, you’re hot enough. If the relationship is based on sex or lies or videotape, you’re hot enough. If two people are down with one another, they are attractive enough for one another. Of course, this is an easier sentiment to say than feel, so tell us what you think below:

Have you ever felt you weren't beautiful enough for your partner?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

Photo: Mr Blue/WENN.com

Share This Post:
    • Eileen

      When I first met my current boyfriend, I thought he was really hot and possibly slightly out of “my league” (though I do think that I am pretty and, obviously, thought it was worth pursuing) The more I got to know him, though, the more I realized we had a lot in common and that I really liked him in addition to thinking he was hot. Then we got together. Since then, I’ve never felt like either of us was not good looking enough for the other. (this is why I say “other”: I never thought I wasn’t beautiful enough for him when we were actually together, but I did wonder when we first met)

      Every previous guy in my history – with the possible exception of one outrageously handsome boy whom I kissed once, without tongue, when I was sixteen and had awful acne – I absolutely thought I was good looking enough for.

    • http://www.facebook.com/courtney.michna Courtney Michna

      Olivia Wilde got married as a teenager then divorced her husband so she could “find herself.” Almost immediately after she’s engaged again.

      She is obviously gorgeous. The only way I could see her being insecure about her looks is if she were dating John Stamos.

      • http://www.facebook.com/courtney.michna Courtney Michna

        Also, am I terrible for thinking that Jason Sudeikis is mainly dating her for her looks? He dated January Jones. Personality might not be his thing.

      • Katie

        Oh god. Pretty vicious but also… inarguably true?

      • http://helloalle.com/ Alle

        I have to admit something: every time I read “John Stamos,” my brain thinks “Tony Danza.” In the context of this sentence, this made for a really weird mental picture.

    • Choo

      I find this an interesting question. I’ve never thought that I was less attractive than my partner, physically speaking. I usually date cute, but definitely-not-everyone’s-cup-of-tea guys, while I suppose I am conventionally attractive. Maybe it’s because I place more value on personality traits and individuality, but I have sometimes felt that I wasn’t attractive enough FOR my partner… if that makes any sense.

    • CMJ

      My husband is super handsome (and keeps getting more handsome as he ages…jerk) but I’m also pretty foxy. We’re just different. He’s definitely cooler than me though as I got this text this morning: SXSW is crazy…just had breakfast with Fred Armisen.

      I, on the other hand, was waiting in line at the DMV is sweatpants (expensive ones!) with no makeup. So glamorous.

    • Fabel

      I feel like someone will always know if they’re more/less attractive than their partner based on the things a surprising amount of tactless people say?

    • Nancy

      I think I have felt like it with everyone I’ve dated before but only in rare instances, especially if another girl is around who looks gorgeous, and never constantly. I don’t really think about our looks much. But now that I’m thinking about it, I never really go after guys who are male model-esque, I sort of unfairly write them off as being boring/shallow/out of my looks league right away. Not that if I got to know them I’d keep thinking that way, though I don’t think I’ve ever gotten to know anyone like that….
      I don’t know, people (male and female) always end up looking more physically attractive to me if I know and like them and vice versa. lol. I never know what to say when someone asks if a friend of mine is hot (whether male or female), because I can’t see them from someone else’s point of view at all. Once, I told a friend she had to meet my guy friend and that I thought they’d like each other (they were both looking to meet someone). She didn’t even speak to him the whole time and later said, “I can’t believe you thought I’d like HIM” like she was all insulted. I don’t know what she was talking about, it kind of pissed me off.
      I did have one boyfriend though who I thought I was better looking than. Still do. But I also didn’t actually like him, he was VERY judgemental and kept trying to change my habits and clothes and everything.

      • Nancy

        Sorry so long :P