Have you ever wondered whether you are not pretty enough for the person you’re dating? Many people I know, both men and women, have voiced concerns regarding how attractive whomever they’re seeing is and if they themselves are capable of matching up. But this isn’t merely a “normal person” issue; in fact, it seems Olivia Wilde has even worried about this issue.
In an interview with Marie Claire, Wilde discussed her courtship with actor and comedian Jason Sudeikis. On meeting him, she said, ”I was just learning to be by myself. He seemed to really see me, see through the bullshit… He was so handsome, and he could dance.” Awww! Snazzy, right? Well, it’s what Wilde said regarding her insecurities that has thrown many people’s sensibilities on how women who are widely thought of as beautiful should think.
“I thought, ‘He won’t be interested in me; I’m not a contender.’ He was so cool, so funny – I was such a fan of his and had always fancied his speed and his intelligence. I thought, ‘I’m not beautiful enough or his type.’”
The first frustrating thing about these words is something Alexis over at our sister site Crushable pointed out: “It’s really disappointing that she’s only valuing herself in terms of beauty, while she’s able to give Jason credit for being discerning, cool, funny, witty, smart, and a good dancer, as well as handsome.” It is ridiculous that women are so often categorized and deemed worthwhile based entirely on their looks, rather than what intellectual or other personality-related factors they can bring to a relationship.
Of course, Wilde is completely within her right to feel this way. Yes, she is considered beautiful by many, many, many people in the world, but everybody is capable of being insecure sometimes — including famous women. But what upsets me far more about Wilde’s comment is how incredibly common it is for people to feel this way about themselves with regard to their significant others.
I would 100% be lying if I said I never felt like my value was based considerably on my looks. While I have learned to focus more on my actions and personality, I admittedly still feel incredibly insecure sometimes when I am out with a person whom I consider more physically attractive than myself. I find this ironic considering I’ve never once thought, “Ha, I am way too hot for this person!” while on dating somebody, but then, it is often easier to hold ourselves to unreachable standards. Though I believe that attraction is important in a relationship, I think that the feeling of being not pretty enough for another person goes beyond wanting them to be attracted to you; it delves into whether or not the rest of the world will accept your relationship, too.
For example, with Lena Dunham and Patrick Wilson‘s affair in Girls a couple weeks ago, people freaked the fuck out because they believed Wilson could never be attracted to somebody who looks like Dunham. Dunham (whom I believe to be good looking, but that’s beside the point here) is not “conventionally beautiful” according to Hollywood standards, thus making her somehow unworthy of a person who is considered conventionally attractive, despite Wilson being married to a woman who is a size 10 and has a “muffin top” — again, not that these are unattractive qualities, they’re just not considered “Hollywood standards” because Hollywood is stupid and ridiculous and absurd. But I digress.
The point is that we are all hot enough to date our significant others, mmk? If the relationship is based on attraction, you’re hot enough. If the relationship is based on personality, you’re hot enough. If the relationship is based on sex
or lies or videotape, you’re hot enough. If two people are down with one another, they are attractive enough for one another. Of course, this is an easier sentiment to say than feel, so tell us what you think below:
Photo: Mr Blue/WENN.com